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Therapists and psychologists are sharing things that people think are ‘normal’ but really aren’t

Therapists and psychologists have been sharing behaviour that people tend to consider normal but might actually be red flags and should probably be checked out.

It began when Redditor Pixel_pig asked this.


And it turned out it was a good question, a very good question, because the replies came in their thousands.

Here are 15 which particularly caught people’s attention.

1.

‘Therapist here. If you grew up with or currently are a part of a family where the whole family has to work to keep one or more members of the family in a good mood or appeased, that’s not healthy.

‘People are in charge of their own feelings. It is not your job to appease others so that they can emotionally regulate themselves.’ babyrabiesfatty

2.

‘People normalize abusive behaviors by loved ones all the time. Being able to identify your own personal boundaries and then enforce them with others for your own wellbeing is, unfortunately, not innate.’ BiffBusiness

3.

‘Child Psychologist here. It bugs me how much parents don’t think they’re responsible for their kid’s behaviour.’ Sqweegel8

4.

‘A good rule of thumb as to whether a behavior or symptom should be checked out is the same we use to determine a diagnosable disorder: if it causes impairment in one or more areas of life.

The range of what is normal is huge – but if something keeps you from going to school or work, keeps you from maintaining basic hygiene, from maintaining your friendships/ familial relationships/ romantic relationships… It’s causing impairment and you should seek help.

EDITS: wanted to clarify a few things:

This is NOT an exhaustive criteria for diagnosable mental illness. There are many criteria we consider in diagnosing, but the one criteria that is present for all is that it must cause impairment.

Enjoyment is also an important aspect of functioning. If you are getting by in your life but are miserable… Get help. You don’t have to live like that.

Serial killers and sociopaths represent a very small percentage of the population and rarely seek help willingly. This was not directed at them.

The areas of functioning I listed are general examples pulled from the Western culture where I live and was trained. Different cultures have different values and the norms of your culture should be taken into account.

If you are unbothered by your level of functioning in these areas relative to cultural expectations, good for you. Most people considering this advice likely have a sense that something is not where they want it to be in their life and are looking for confirmation that it’s “bad enough” to seek help. If you’re not concerned, my advice is not directed at you.

No one is saying that being content with having no interpersonal connections is inherently pathological.’ pgbilotto

4.

‘Self-sabotaging behavior can ruin your life quickly. If you have an event in your life that has affected you negatively and you seem to find yourself exhibiting irrational or incongruent behaviors- see a counselor.

You don’t have to have any certain pathology to seek mental wellness counselling.’ TRAMZ14

5.

‘Thinking that 5 hours of sleep per night is okay. Rapid weight gain or loss with no obvious medical cause. Relationship problems, don’t get me fucking started.’ VeganSteakGirl

6.

‘The attitudes of their parents. No, really. There are a lot of bad things that current parents do that are just seen as normal, when they’re not. And they have long lasting psychological effects from emotional damage.’ smugsneasel215

7.

‘Inability to regulate your own emotions. Also, negative self-talk. we talk to ourselves way worse than any person could.’ Greeneyedgirl17

8.

‘I’ve seen a lot of people dismiss their depression/other mental illness because it’s “not that bad” or “other people have it worse” or “I can/should be able to handle it on my own.”

‘You shouldn’t have to suffer through mental illness even if you technically can. You deserve to be happy and therapists and psychiatrists are there to help you learn how to help yourself. It’s not a weakness to find someone who can assist you in figuring out coping skills or prescribe you medications to help fine tune your brain’s neurotransmitters.’ CatastropheCat_97

9.

‘From the patient side, it took having a massive anxiety attack at my doc’s office to find out that no, massive anxiety attacks in front of strangers isn’t common or normal.’ BridgetteBane

10.

‘Perfectionism. While a spectrum and everyone wants to do good work, an obsession with perfection is not something to be proud of and definitely not healthy. Healthy work ethic is doing your best, and then letting go, as in recognizing no matter how much effort you put in, the result is, to some extent, out of your control, and that’s ok. The intent and effort counts more than the end result, if you get obsessed with the end result only you will hurt yourself because you never have full control over your end result, but you do have full control over the intensity and dedication you will put in (even if that doesn’t translate well).

‘It is a fact of life sometimes things don’t work out, so people who never, and I mean never, have anything less than flawless work all the time are paying for it somehow, burnout or mental stress or overtime or medication/drugs to keep going or etc. It is pathological to want, or to think you can realistically have, such control that your work is flawless all the time.’ hox_blastien

11.

‘Getting stressed every day. Youd be surprised how many people just say “No it’s okay my job is just stressful.” Or other similar excuses. So many health issues arise from stress.

‘Or prolonged unmotivation. Not wanting to do things.’ Ladylochnessa

12.

‘Over or under sleeping are big red flags for depression.’ zhbinks

13.

‘There have been a lot of my patients who have been pretty surprised when I’ve told them “hey, that’s anxiety/depression” when they just thought their behaviors were typical for everyone.

– not being able to maintain friendships
– constantly being nervous about the safety of your child, to the point where you hate being alone with your child without your partner
– not being able to motivate yourself to do things, especially things you once enjoyed
– feeling excessively tired all the time
– not being able to calm down and just thinking about the same thoughts over and over and feeling worried

‘Other things we can help with:
– having a hard time trusting others
– trying to recover a relationship from infidelity
– not knowing why your kid is misbehaving so much and needing guidance
– helping to improve communication within your relationships

‘If you experience these things (and more!) therapists can help! Let us help you.’ MiniMeeny

14.

‘Research psychologist checking in:

If your toddler is doing socially unusual behaviors such as:

Not responding to name

Not responding to a social smile

Not pointing/using gestures

Using your hands/arms as if they were a tool or extension of their body

Engaging in repetitive behaviors

Not responding to your use of gaze to direct their attention to distal objects

Check with the pediatrician about getting assessed for autism spectrum disorder.’ I_are_facepalm

15.

‘The need for some parents to speak with their children about adult problems. No, your young child does not need to be aware that you are struggling financially or that ‘daddy slept with the lady next door’

‘The parents that tell their children that they are going to ‘go and speed my car into a tree purposely’, ‘kill myself while you are at school’, or ‘slit my wrist when I shower tonight’.

‘And, parents that feel they need their children ‘fixed’ as it’s the child and not the family unit as the whole that needs support and/or assistance.
Just a few recent ones I’ve heard.’ wingless-angel-13

And there were a lot of people replying like AbigailHam

‘Well, after scrolling through this I’m learning a whole bunch of stuff about me.’

H/T Someecards