“The top 50 achievements of Boris Johnson” is a depressing read
What is it that catapults a person to a position of high office? Most of us would hope it involves a series of successes and a visionary approach to problem solving, rather than *checks notes* going to Eton, having tousled hair, making racial slurs and diplomatic gaffes, and other – many other – fuck-ups.
Designer @RussInCheshire has painstakingly listed the top 50 achievements of our current prime minister …and we suspect it was truly painful for him, as it is for us to read it.
It’s a long thread, so we’re numbering it to help you keep track.
1.
The top 50 achievements of Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.
Yes: the actual Prime Minister.
Of us.
1.Invented lie about EU law on straight bananas
2.Invented lie about EU banning prawn cocktails
3.Invented lie about EU introducing mandatory smaller coffins— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
2.
4.Invented lie about EU demanding plastic wrapping around kippers
5.Lied that 80 million people from Turkey would come to UK if we didn't leave EU
6.Sacked from The Times for inventing a quote then lying about having invented it— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
3.
7.Found guilty of misrepresenting facts by IPSO
8.Sacked from Tory front-bench for lying about an affair
9.Accused of misuse of public funds, because it appears he gave £126,000, for no valid reason, to a pole-dancer he boasted he was having an affair with— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
4.
10.Recorded discussing a plot to break a journalist's ribs and give him "a couple of black eyes" in a conversation with his friend Darius Guppy, a convicted fraudster
11.Referred to Commonwealth citizens as "picaninnies", racist term for black children— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
5.
12.Described black people as having "watermelon smiles"
13.Forced by Telegraph to apologise for describing the people of Papua New Guinea as "cannibals"
14.Suggested reinstating British control over former colonies – essentially restarting The Empire— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
6.
15.Campaigned to have a deal before we leave the EU, and to stay in the Single Market
16.… then sacked 21 of his own MPs, including the longest-serving MP and Winston Churchill's grandson, for voting to get a deal before we leave the EU and to stay in the Single Market— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
7.
17.Wrote insulting poem about the people of Turkey, then "apologised" to the President of Turkey by complimenting his washing machine
18.Questioned the repeal of the ban on producing information about homosexuality— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
8.
19.Wrote an article scoring female delegates to the Labour Party conference on his "tottyometer"
20.Said "Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts"
21.Described gay men as "bum-boys"
22.Said "Islamophobia — fear of Islam — seems a natural reaction"— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
9.
23.Said the UK must accept that "Islam is the problem"
24.Referred to Muslim women as looking like "bank robbers" and "post-boxes"
25.Blamed Hillsborough on Liverpool fans, then described the victims as "whingeing scousers"— Russ (@RussInCheshire) October 1, 2019
