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This ‘official Paul Danan’ story about Uri Geller and Jodie Marsh is next level stuff

Erstwhile Celebrity Love Island bloke Paul Danan has his own Instagram account but it’s nowhere near as popular as this parody account.

And this latest tale published by ‘official Paul Danan’ is a very good example why.

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Uri was a handy fella to have about, but his psychic powers didn’t always have the desired result. For every weak-minded bouncer he mesmerised, there was always an accident with a bent key. Every time you’d give him a bump he’d completely fuck it – I used to spend a fortune at Timpson’s. Often putting his powers to use for mischief, I once spotted Uri at the 2000 NTAs standing up in his balcony seat rubbing his temples at the exact point when Judy Finnegan’s boobs famously fell out. When I asked him about it at the after party he gave me an enigmatic smile and said: ‘Oh, that was just a migraine’. His powers made him a real hit with the treacles, on one occasion at the High Street Honey Awards he psychically convinced Lucy Pinder it was his birthday and invited her to chase him and then 'tickle him senseless' upon capture. Jodie Marsh wasn’t having any of it though, her heightened psychic awareness made her totally impervious to his metaphysical powers. He called her ‘The Fortress’ and claimed that when he tried to tune in all he saw was an 'Ed Hardy by Christian Audigier' style apparition of a regal tiger guarding an ornate gate. Frustrated, he’d turn to psychokinesis and to this day she still only wears bras with a plastic clasp. #poppinbras #hypnotisingstars #PsycokineticsOfInstagram #pintofStella #cutlery #56pieceset #uripoppingbrasleftrightandcentrewhilstthatsongplaysfrommatildawhenshesmakingbreakfast

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Uri was a handy fella to have about, but his psychic powers didn’t always have the desired result. For every weak-minded bouncer he mesmerised, there was always an accident with a bent key. Every time you’d give him a bump he’d completely fuck it – I used to spend a fortune at Timpson’s.

Often putting his powers to use for mischief, I once spotted Uri at the 2000 NTAs standing up in his balcony seat rubbing his temples at the exact point when Judy Finnegan’s boobs famously fell out. When I asked him about it at the after party he gave me an enigmatic smile and said: ‘Oh, that was just a migraine’.

His powers made him a real hit with the treacles, on one occasion at the High Street Honey Awards he psychically convinced Lucy Pinder it was his birthday and invited her to chase him and then ‘tickle him senseless’ upon capture.

Jodie Marsh wasn’t having any of it though, her heightened psychic awareness made her totally impervious to his metaphysical powers. He called her ‘The Fortress’ and claimed that when he tried to tune in all he saw was an ‘Ed Hardy by Christian Audigier’ style apparition of a regal tiger guarding an ornate gate.

Frustrated, he’d turn to psychokinesis and to this day she still only wears bras with a plastic clasp.
#poppinbras #hypnotisingstars #PsycokineticsOfInstagram #pintofStella #cutlery #56pieceset #uripoppingbrasleftrightandcentrewhilstthatsongplaysfrommatildawhenshesmakingbreakfast

Here’s a whole load more entries from the spoof Danan account for your viewing pleasure.

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J was supposed to be 5ive's tough guy – behind the persona it was a different story. At 03 Pop Beach I sorted him these double pink dolphins but he started crying as he came up and telling me how he’d rather be at home painting his Warhammer and working on his Final Fantasy VII concept album. He took out all of his Magic: The Gathering cards and talked me through all the wizards he owned. Apparently he’d been asking management to change his nickname from J to Aragorn but they weren’t having it. I felt for the guy, he showed me underneath his Fubu top, he had a t shirt that said “Pobody’s Nerfect”. He started trying to tell me how to say my name in Kling-on, it was spinning me right out so I left.

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Shane was a wicked actor but he had no quantitative concept. He’d always buy his Patrick Cox loafers three sizes too small, there were 15 pallets of tiles left outside his gaff when he finished doing the guest bathroom, and he once offered the whole cast of Doctors a lift home in his Mazda MX5. The best was when he let Sam Janus pour five bags of Mandy into his pint at the Soapies. He was so nutted he got convinced he was giving a speech at the UN, he kept calling Sid Owen ‘Kofi Annan’ and he thought Bradley Walsh was the entire population of Norway. Always the entertainer, he kept referring to his missus as Hans Blix: “She’ll be inspecting my weapon later”. Love ya Shane-o #ban #ki #nanamoon

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Follow parody Paul Danan now!

Even better than the real thing.

Source HT: @BobbyNuisance