25 funny tweets of the week
It’s been a hard week – possibly not as hard as it’s been for Boris Johnson’s PR team, but they’re probably getting paid more than you. However, it’s Friday, the weekend is so close you can smell it, and there are twenty-five of the best tweets from the last week just waiting to be enjoyed. Off you go.
interviewer: your resume says you’re forgetful
me: it does?
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) September 15, 2019
Absence makes the heart join Tinder.
— Tom Rosenthal (@rosentweets) September 16, 2019
I thought my mouth had shrunk but it turns out I was just trying to eat cereal with a serving spoon
— Grace Petrie Is On Tour Soon (@gracepetrie) September 16, 2019
Really, it was the only sensible thing pic.twitter.com/YdQYT6XINe
— Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) September 19, 2019
My favorite Rage Against the Machine song is the one where they're really mad and they don't trust the government
— ⚡️Carly Danger⚡️ (@carlyken) September 14, 2019
[first day in office]
Me: Hi Ironic!
Her: My name is Joy
Me: Sorry, everyone told me your first name was Ironic. Oh…
— Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) September 15, 2019
Looks like we’re calling him ‘Pussy’ lads. https://t.co/4AS386wA1f
— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) September 15, 2019
Someone asked me today if I was Tracey Emin from Everything But The Girl. To which I had no real answer.
— Tracey Thorn (@tracey_thorn) September 16, 2019
If you watch old porn backwards, a couple have sex, discover the washing machine is broken and the guy leaves to train as a repairman
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) September 17, 2019
Don't worry if you missed Sinead O'Connor on GMB this morning – it is available on the ITV Hub for seven hours and fifteen days #SineadOConnor
— Ben Turner Comedian (@benturnercomedy) September 16, 2019
i'd set up a club for nihilists in the uk right now but what would be the point
— SheRa Marley-Threepwood (@SheRa_Marley) September 17, 2019
Hi I’m a millionaire and I’ve inexplicably taken time out of my busy schedule of private yachts and hookers to make this Facebook video telling you the “7 secrets” that can make you all millionaires.
— Neil Friday McGourty (@Mcgourty22N) September 17, 2019