David Baddiel started a brilliant thread about the real reasons people break up – 23 favourites
The real reason we break up with someone isn’t always (ever?) the reason we tell them because, well, it would hurt their feelings even more than you’ve already hurt them.
We only mention this after David Baddiel said this on Twitter …
Recently been discussing with people real reasons they broke up with exes (as opposed to reasons given at the time). One woman split up with her bald ex partner because he had a greasy head. Another split up with her boyfriend because his nose smelt.
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) September 13, 2019
… and it prompted people to share the totally bizarre, funny, awful and nearly always entirely understandable reasons why they REALLY broke up with their exes.
Here are our 24 favourites
1 of the real reasons was the sound of his inhaler really annoyed me (sorry anyone who has asthma)
— Lynsey Newton (@lynsnewt) September 13, 2019
I broke up with an ex because he insisted on pronouncing ‘Rioja’ with the ‘J’, and he tucked his napkin into his collar like a bib and he was A FULLY GROWN MAN NOT A TODDLER. He was also a tit.
— sharon dunford (@spadge13) September 13, 2019
My ex ate food off my plate in a restaurant and when I remonstrated with him said ‘well I paid for it’. That was it – he was gone. He ate my bloody prawns the fucker!
— Jane Salisbury (@GothicBlue) September 13, 2019
I once had to stop seeing a girl because her family’s roast dinner was just plain chicken with plain veg, no gravy, no salt, no pepper, nothing.
And then she added ketchup.
Now I’ll basically eat out of a bin if I’m hungry but I was still outraged.
— Sam Elliott (@7ellis96) September 13, 2019
I found out years after the event that I was chucked by a guy because my toes were too long. Absolute liberty.
— A. Cherrie (@cherrie2502) September 13, 2019
She didn’t know what an avocado was. What was I supposed to do?!
— John Humphreys (@MrJohnHumphreys) September 13, 2019
I once knew someone who broke up with his girlfriend as he didn’t like the view from her kitchen window
— Tom Connor (@tom_connor_blue) September 13, 2019
I split up with a chap in my youth because he had fat hands. It was like holding a ski glove.
— GobbyHobbit (@Chavvers) September 13, 2019
My ex husband got his solicitor to write a letter to complain I liked the band Supergrass. I’m not sure if he’s still alive but I live in eternal hope for his long and painful death.
— Derek Fun (@hellsbells_mcfc) September 13, 2019
I stopped seeing a man because he pronounced mushroom “much-room” plus he asked for ketchup to go with his muchroom pizza at an Italian restaurant. The same day he’d also given me a run down of all the foods that gave him diarrhoea.
— Mrs N (@WestWickhamLady) September 13, 2019
When I was younger my girlfriend remarked, after entering a library “They’ve got a lot of books here haven’t they”. It was never going to work….
— Small blue dot (@powkesmore) September 14, 2019