21 hilarious curses Dominic Cummings will definitely want to avoid
The man behind the Leave referendum strategy, Dominic Cummings, is now squarely behind Boris Johnson, and his style is in the ballpark of guerilla promotion – which may explain the recent bizarre Jeremy Corbyn -as-a-Kentucky-Fried-Chicken fiasco. One man who understands how people like Cummings work is the writer, Will Black, who has a bit of a magic touch with political hashtags, such as this:
My spirit guides tell me that today is the day we should #CurseDominicCummings.#CurseDavidCameron worked#CurseBorisJohnson worked #CurseDonaldTrump is working.
I suspect curses for Demonic S Cummings will work rapidly
Top three curses win books
Please RT
— Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) September 6, 2019
The challenge really caught the attention of Twitter, resulting in some absolutely chilling curses, so we’ve collected the best – starting with the three winners of Will’s prizes.
1.
May your stupid hairline always be stuck at 52% Leave and 48% Remain#CurseDominicCummings pic.twitter.com/vZNXIctY9N
— Rob Dicken (@1970RobD) September 6, 2019
2.
May your dressing gown belt-loop be caught on every door handle you walk by. #CurseDominicCummings
— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) September 7, 2019
3.
This photo session of a young Dominic Cummings sneering into the camera – like a cross between Alan B'stard and Smeagol as he transitions into Gollum – is the most unintentionally hilarious thing I've ever seen.
May you never get your preciousssss Brexit.#CurseDominicCummings pic.twitter.com/Z2JxqyLzkr
— Jeanna Louise Skinner (@JeannaLStars) September 7, 2019
4.
May all your music collection turn into 'Ode to Joy'.
Played by 7 year olds.
On recorders.#CurseDominicCummings— Hoss #ReachOverTheNoise Blocked By IDS (@Hossylass) September 6, 2019
5.
#CurseDominicCummings May a stray paper hankie find its way into each load of washing, no matter how much you check your pockets.
— June W (@rejunevated) September 6, 2019
6.
May your broadband always be slow and intermittent, but perform excellently when the engineer comes around to test it #CurseDominicCummings
— Danticlimax (@Danticlimax) September 7, 2019
7.
May the song “Oh Jeremy Corbyn” be on permanent loop in your head. Forever. #CurseDominicCummings
— Kaz W 🌱 (@kazwhitehouse) September 6, 2019
8.
May he get a green crisp in every packet
May he always need more toilet paper than there is
May all traffic lights turn red as he approaches
May he be stung by a wasp on his eyeball every Thursday
May his car always have an annoying rattling noise
— Buck Frexit! 🇪🇺🔶🖤 #Revoker #REMAIN (@Beany_1) September 6, 2019
9.
May you tread on a singular block of Lego with every step you take as you run away from the utter clusterfuck you have created.
— jojo77 #FBPE 🔶🇪🇺 (@jotrafford) September 7, 2019
10.
May you piss like a racehorse, every morning at six am.
But not wake up until seven. #CurseDominicCummings— Alan Knox (@alanknox) September 7, 2019
11.
May you bang your head and suffer a rare form of tinnitus where you hear Jacob Rees Mogg saying “contemplate the current constitutional confusion and consider the chaos this concatenation of circumstances could create” on loop forever #CurseDominicCummings
— @BunnyCorcoran (@FinbarSaunders6) September 6, 2019
