25 things that gave us a laugh this week
Well, then – let’s look at the week. Parliament seems to have been hijacked by a gang of people too incompetent to google which countries sell Melton Mowbray pork pies, but on the bright side, you’ve successfully convinced at least two work colleagues that you already knew what prorogue meant before this month, so now you’re an intellectual. These people have done something even more impressive, they’ve made us laugh.
1.
Whenever I meet those evangelical types in the street and they start talking about the bible and how Christ died for my sins, I just say 'No spoilers please! I'm still only on the bit where he's feeding the five thousand.'
— Matt Lucas (@RealMattLucas) August 26, 2019
2.
Sylvester Stallone looks like someone’s nan who’s won the Postcode Lottery pic.twitter.com/xDtTs32zJ2
— mnrrnt2 and 206 others (@mnrrntt) August 23, 2019
3.
Llamas are just acoustic giraffes which are just diet Hydras
— AdamCerious (@Browtweaten) August 27, 2019
4.
We are currently living in a timeline where to relax I watch Chernobyl, The Handmaid's Tale and documentaries about serial killers.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) August 28, 2019
5.
Just remembered when I was added into a group chat with 50 other people called "Tom Hale" and the conversation got wild pic.twitter.com/kKuc5V6ySh
— Tom Hale🐐 (@tommyhale91) August 29, 2019
6.
Saturn Trying to Quietly Eat His Lunch at His Desk When a Colleague Approaches With Work Related Questions
– Francisco Goya, c. 1819–1823 pic.twitter.com/vueDpXE3Dl— Steven (with a ph) (@SJKSalisbury) August 30, 2019
7.
Actually, it's only proroguing if it comes from the Prorogue region of France. Otherwise it's just a sparkling coup.
— Tim Hollo (@timhollo) August 29, 2019
8.
The last time a dude asked me to call him “daddy” I went really method with it & woke him up at 3 AM telling him I threw up
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August 29, 2019
9.
After detectorists in Somerset unearth a hoard of priceless 11th century coins, Jacob Rees-Mogg admits he should’ve moved it to Dublin with the rest of his money.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) August 29, 2019
10.
SON: Can we have ice cream for dinner?
ME: [already ate all the ice cream for breakfast] Sorry kid, that's not a proper meal— mo (@chuuew) August 29, 2019
11.
There are days when Twitter feels like two physicists and a plumber debating quantum gravity
— jasongorman (@jasongorman) August 30, 2019
12.
David Bowie (born David Jones) changed his name to avoid confusion with The Monkees’ singer Micky Dolenz.
— Balderdash (@notDcfcBoss) August 29, 2019
