Our 25 favourite funny things we’ve seen this week
Remember the time that terrorist quoted Mario before unleashing Hell? No, me neither, but the stable genius obviously does, because video games are getting the blame for the US gun problem. On this side of the Atlantic, Dominic Raab has been telling porkies, Priti Patel has been telling different porkies and – oh, look – Boris Johnson has been telling porkies.
Let’s give up and read some funny tweets.
If you haven't got anything nice to say, say it on Twitter.
— kath 🙀❄️🇪🇺💚 (@KathyBurke) August 3, 2019
quite possibly my favourite thing this year pic.twitter.com/EE5IyiuJjk
— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) August 4, 2019
From Ocado magazine. You know, for those times when you have leftover gooseberry ketchup and fancy a really weird pizza pic.twitter.com/PKcMpJS4qi
— Michael Hogan (@michaelhogan) August 6, 2019
This is exactly how we make our casting decisions. https://t.co/LdD5ueUzKM
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) August 6, 2019
I was going to do one them ‘person along side object of similar appearance’ type things but it was Katie Hopkins paired up with pieces of shit, so just picture 15 different photos of her with a shit pile beside each shot.
— Jacqui Abbott (@jamajestical) August 5, 2019
The amount of cookies I’ve watched the Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick
— rob elliott (@rockymomax) August 7, 2019
If Barack Obama and Donald Trump were both hanging from a cliff and you could only save one, where would you and Obama get lunch afterwards?
— Andrea Junker (@Strandjunker) August 6, 2019
No I do not want to see Toy Story 4, I have had it with these haunted dollies finding out about mortality
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) August 3, 2019
[first day as tree trimmer]
Customer: what did you do to my weeping willow?
Me: I thought bangs would cheer it up
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) August 5, 2019
Date: I find you unreasonably captivating
Me [blushing]: maybe because I'm a siren
Date: oooh but I haven't even heard your call yet
Me [seductively parting my lips]: WEEEYOOOWEEEYOOOWEEEYOOO
— Eɾιɳҽɱ (@Mom_Overboard) August 2, 2019
Okay, hear me out. I have a theory.
Superman is in reality popular DAILY PLANET journalist, Clark Kent.
Let THAT sink in for a moment.
— GAIL SIMONE is MY LITTLE SIMONEY (@GailSimone) August 7, 2019
I'm not necessarily saying that quinoa is repulsive, all I'm saying is that Cheetos are already prepared.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) August 7, 2019