60 very funny jokes by 60 essential people to follow
And it seems to me, you lived your life like a… pic.twitter.com/I2Hy6S1Ean
— Jason (@NickMotown) November 10, 2017
Aldi is still the worst place to pop into for milk as it’s inevitable you’ll leave with a German sausage, a 48 piece spanner set, a ski suit, a garden bench, a flamethrower and a zebra.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 28, 2018
33. Megan Amram
The fun part about living right now is we get to see how it ends
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) July 3, 2019
34. Bec Hill
✔ Using tablets
✔ Writing in emojis
✔ Obsessed with cats
You call them millenials.
I call them Ancient Egyptians.
— Bec Hill (Be Chill) (@bechillcomedian) February 20, 2018
35. Roger Quimbly
People getting angry about vegan sausage rolls. Wait until they hear about poverty, war and inequality. It’ll blow their minds.
— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) January 2, 2019
Britain is invoking Shania law, and frankly, that don’t impress me much.
— Sam (@sam_bambs) July 11, 2016
37. James Felton
Hi I’m a BBC journalist. So far interviewing racist after racist after racist to expose their racism hasn’t made people go “huh these racists are pretty bad” and racism go away but I’ve got a pretty good feeling about this next one.
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 31, 2019
38. Alyssa Limperis
anyone: calm down
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) June 22, 2019
Indiana Jones & the hopscotch of doom. pic.twitter.com/8cYqTs81hh
— Paul (@bingowings14) March 15, 2019
40. Marty Lawrence
ME: I’ll see you in a month
WIFE: Don’t forget to write
ME: It’s highly unlikely I’d forget such a basic skill, Sharon
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) July 26, 2016
41. Olaf Falafel
The real hero of Street Fighter II was whoever sorted out all their flights and travel visas.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) March 6, 2019
42. Craig Deeley
Pro-tip: don’t touch a chilli then touch your penis. Some greengrocers will ask you to leave
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) October 27, 2018
43. Jacqui Abbott
I’ve got to be honest, I did not see this ending for Game Of Thrones coming. pic.twitter.com/q6hcPVT5ei
— Jacqui Abbott (@jamajestical) May 7, 2019
44. . (@twlldun)
I would like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn pic.twitter.com/Npcz3VnT2f
— . (@twlldun) April 5, 2019
“These heels are KILLING me.”
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) September 2, 2018
46. Parody Boris Johnson
Very excited to announce that I will be taking part in the next series of #Strictly. I don’t intend to rehearse or do any preparation, but if I don’t win it will be because of the intransigence and inflexibility of the judges.
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) July 31, 2019
47. Andy Ryan
Oh no, just like the Manic Street Preachers warned us. pic.twitter.com/CdqzmDRaTC
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) February 15, 2019
48. Claire J Cheeseman
Alright June love you dont have to brag about it pic.twitter.com/flYqzjnsRf
— Claire J Cheeseman (@cjcheesecake) July 20, 2019
49. Jackie Bouvier
Age is just a number until your back goes out picking up a sock.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) May 4, 2018
50. Mitten D’Amour
Wow! Try this simple two-step detox plan:
1. You have a liver
2. Shut up
— Mitten d’Amour (@MittenDAmour) January 1, 2016
51. Jenny Johnson
This is how I imagine people are taken to heaven. pic.twitter.com/dkJLSbTOqV
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 17, 2018
52. Alistair Coleman
My God, they’re throwing the stuff at each other now. pic.twitter.com/trejYgOll8
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) January 24, 2018
53. Damien Owens
Oh, come on. Ariana Grande v Piers Morgan isn’t a fair fight. She’s a sharp young woman with the world at her feet and he’s a pile of gone-off ham with a face drawn on it.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) November 21, 2018
54. Cold War Steve
— Cold War Steve (@Coldwar_Steve) May 5, 2019
55. Sarah Phelps
wanking and cocaine https://t.co/KjiAhn5GRm
— Sarah Phelps (@PhelpsieSarah) August 2, 2019
56. Ewa Green
A MALEVOLENT ROBIN. I KNEW IT. pic.twitter.com/cSPAEDCVEq
— The Actress Ewa Green (@EwaSR) March 1, 2018
57. jo diggity
me: I’m going to build a time machine
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) March 13, 2019
58. Rab Livingstone
I just asked Alexa where my appendix is.
She said, “Your appendix is in the lower right side of your abdomen.”
This is clearly wrong. My appendix is in a bin outside a hospital on the outskirts of Glasgow.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) July 10, 2019
59. Nathaniel Tapley
It’s not racism unless it comes from the Râce region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling legitimate-concerns-of-the-white-working-class.
— Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) July 18, 2019
60. Janey Godley
Melania with her WWF lightweight championship belt on. pic.twitter.com/CO7bXDSpg7
— Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) May 20, 2017
NB: We know it’s not an exhaustive list. Tell us who we missed.
(Thumbnail image: BBC Would I Lie to You?)