Who are the worst people in the history of songs? 14 absolute wrong-uns
A lot of stuff goes on in songs that would end up in the divorce courts or on the front page of the red tops, if it happened in real life. Because of this, songs contain some of the most extreme characters ever written, and yes, I am looking at you, Always a Woman person, going around cutting people. WTAF? Author Tod Goldberg has obviously been paying attention, which prompted him to post this:
The Worst People In The History of Songs:
1. The couple in the Pina Colada song. They deserve their pain.
2. Jolene. Obviously.
3. Everyone in Cats in a Cradle. Get some therapy. You’re ruining lives.
4. Luka’s husband. That motherfucker needs to be walked into a door.— Tod Goldberg (@todgoldberg) July 28, 2019
He hadn’t finished.
5. The people who didn’t tell me Luka was about child abuse. Either way, whole family needs prison time.
— Tod Goldberg (@todgoldberg) July 28, 2019
The kids in Jeremy’s class weren’t great.
— Tod Goldberg (@todgoldberg) July 28, 2019
Everyone involved with the death of Billie Joe McCallister.
— Tod Goldberg (@todgoldberg) July 28, 2019
“Girl, you’ll be a woman soon” is not, in fact, a viable criminal defense.
— Tod Goldberg (@todgoldberg) July 28, 2019
His tweets inspired others to have their say on the wrong’uns hiding in plain sight.
1.
Cecilia.
"Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed someone's taken my place"How long does it take to wash your face – two minutes? Was this new guy hiding in the closet or something while they were boinking? https://t.co/eCyJJImBzo
— Moebius Stripper (@moebius_strip) July 30, 2019
2.
The guy who rode through the desert for God knows how long, and couldn’t even come up with a decent name for his horse. I mean, most horses I know come with names, but it is not that hard to just say “well, I guess I’m calling you Rhonda for the time being on call
— Jennifer Lee Rossman (@JenLRossman) July 29, 2019
3.
The couple in Don't You Want Me seem pretty insufferable.
— Jeff Meyers (@jephM) July 29, 2019
4.
All of the other reindeers and Santa.
— Pryde Foltz (@PrydeFoltz) July 29, 2019
5.
Lucille. How could she leave her 4 hungry kids?
— ThurmusWife4417 (@wife4417) July 29, 2019
6.
Maxwell, of course—a murderer with three confirmed kills by the end of the song, a solid ID of the weapon described as a silver hammer, and the same manner of execution for each victim: a blow to the head. Don’t be fooled by the melodic earworm of the tune. Maxwell was a monster.
— Matthew Elblonk (@Nerktwin) July 29, 2019
7.
It begins and ends with The Gambler. Sitting next to you on a train, he drinks the last of your whiskey, takes your cigarettes, offers useless unsolicited advice *on repeat*, and then falls asleep (snoring undoubtedly).
— Alex Dukalskis (@AlexDukalskis) July 29, 2019
