20 of our favourite Billy Connolly quotes and jokes
11.
“Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace”
12.
“A lot of people say it’s a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer ‘fuck’”
13.
14.
“What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?”
15.
“When people say ‘life is short’. What the f***? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f***ing does! What can you do that’s longer?””
16.
“One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Personally, I think it’s bollocks”
17.
“A fart is just your arse applauding”
18.
“I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning… that can keep me awake for days”
19.
“People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?”
20.
“I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white”
And we leave you with this wonderful clip of The Big Yin chatting eloquently about farts…
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