Simply 28 very funny Bob Mortimer jokes
Bob Mortimer is brilliant in everything he does, from BBC2’s fabulous Gone Fishing alongside the great Paul Whitehouse to Twitter.
Speaking of which, enjoy these 28 times Mortimer was very funny on Twitter.
1.
Every time i go out for a drive with the wife and see a bike on the roof rack or back of a vehicle I said “Nasty Accident’ She hasn’t laughed yet but I will #prevail
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) July 14, 2019
2.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t climb a ladder with a rabbit in each hand
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) July 5, 2019
3.
Offer me a herbal tea and I will deliver a fart so dense and multi layered that your face will bend in on itself and become a butter dish
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) July 7, 2019
4.
CAT NAMES FOR SALE:
Ron’s Liquids
Hot Chilli Whistles
Pottery and Nonsense
The Very Long Bag
Dean Gaffneys Cauldron
Lynns Windows£8.00 p.a.
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 23, 2019
5.
Recreating the golden age of British railway engineering pic.twitter.com/qJzqE4Ns1U
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 14, 2019
6.
At my age a very useable lie is to say you were the drummer in Haircut 100… might get you 10% off eg a mower service or a drain inspection #ThanksBob
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) June 4, 2019
7.
Is there a gadget that will mash my potatoes for me instead of having to use my cats paws?
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) April 23, 2019
8.
Awake with a face like a hobbits verucca .. like an abandoned pastie.. like a glass blowers anus etcs
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) April 16, 2019
9.
Do you need a go-between or intermediary?..I can put you in touch with one: £8.00
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) April 7, 2019
10.
Download my flute album 'Flute and Fibre’ today and get bonus tracks : ‘They Flute Horses Don’t They’ ‘The Flute of all Evil’ and ‘You Look Flutiful Tonight £8.00 pic.twitter.com/XBNiY1dpWz
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) July 10, 2019
11.
Is it True or is it False?
Alan Sugar is actually 30% Canderel?
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) June 8, 2019
12.
Lightbulbs https://t.co/5u1um98AI8
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) March 12, 2019
13.
Our father threw darts in Devon, arrows be his game #
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 13, 2019
14.
FOR SALE: Large bag of nowt. £8.00
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) June 6, 2019
