People are sharing the silly things they always do that irritate their family and friends and they’re brilliant
It started when a chap called Marty Lawrence went on Twitter to ask this.
What silly, jokey thing do you always do that infuriates your partner/friends/family?
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) July 15, 2019
He kicked things off.
For example, any time I get change from a machine, I can’t help but shout, “I’ve won the jackpot!”
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) July 15, 2019
See also: driving across train tracks and screaming, “TRAIN!”
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) July 16, 2019
It’s fair to say he got a lot of responses and they’re so good we’re going to print them off and start doing them ourselves.
Here are our favourite 40 (and we really could have carried on going …)
1.
Every time my husband is on the phone to someone for ages, when he hangs up he will ALWAYS look puzzled at the phone and say, “Hmmm…wrong number”
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) July 15, 2019
2.
I say ‘Park life’ after every line when she watches Eastenders.
— Johnny Swearbox (@wolfgraft) July 15, 2019
3.
Recommend ridiculously big bands / artists they told me about years ago. Friend looked like he wanted to lamp me when I recommended he check out Radiohead.
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 16, 2019
4.
I’ll ask my husband if he wants his pizza cut into 4 or 6 pic.twitter.com/VYxC4i59bm
— Laura Parsons (@La_parsons) July 16, 2019
5.
When reversing the car I always say “Ahh, this takes me back”
— juux (@juux) July 16, 2019
6.
When my girlfriend calls, I ask to whom I’m speaking. Sometimes 2 minutes into the conversation.
— Pete Bancroft (@PeteBancroft) July 16, 2019
7.
At work, typing “808” into a calculator,
then handing it to a random colleague saying
“It’s for you – it’s Bob”— Suman Biswas ♬ (@amateursuman) July 16, 2019
8.
Saying “after you” but then walking through a doorway at the same time so we get stuck
— the obvious child (@GiblettoDeConco) July 15, 2019
9.
And another one. If I’m dropping Ross off somewhere, (train station for example) as soon as he opens the car door to exit, I like to scream, “GET OUT OF MY CAR!!!” like we’ve just had a massive row. Basically I’m a fucking nightmare to be married to.
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) July 15, 2019
10.
When the waiter asks if you want black pepper, reply with “no thanks, I’m driving.”
Also works with parmesan.
— Amy Hupe (@Amy_Hupe) July 16, 2019
11.
My dad tries to talk on the card machine like it’s a phone from the 80s in pubs/restaurants
— Victoria Furness (@flamingofurness) July 15, 2019
12.
When my girlfriend mentions someone I don’t know in passing (e.g. a colleague or school friend), I like to repeat that person’s full name as if I have known them my entire life and am shocked by the coincidence, sometimes keeping the charade up for a full minute.
— Martin Coulter (@martinjbcoulter) July 16, 2019
13.
When I go out to eat with my wife and the bill arrives, I pretend to look incredibly shocked at how expensive it was. Coffee and cake, big meals, places we’ve been, new places – every time. Occasionally I look relieved, turn the bill upside down, then looked shocked again.
— Matt Collins (@charitychap) July 15, 2019
14.
Pretending I can’t see someone who’s wearing camouflage print clothes
— Bobby Fishel (@bobbyfishel) July 16, 2019
15.
If anyone says, for example “I’ve set the alarm for 7.00” I will always reply “but there’s only two of us.”
— Avian Face-Tool ❄ (@Beakmoo) July 16, 2019
16.
Asking if we need dog food at the shop. We have no dog.
— Andy Clark (@AndyClark22) July 16, 2019
17.
Every time my wife asks our son to put the kettle on he answers “doesn’t fit”. Drives her mad. l love it.
— Robbie Warner (@Rab53) July 16, 2019
18.
Before a news report, the anchor will often say: “Just a warning that this report contains flash photography”. And I always say: “We’ll be the judge of that.”
— Adrian Michaels (@adrianmichaels) July 16, 2019
19.
When sending money by online bank transfer, I’ll pay around 30p less than the agreed amount
— Tom Hale🐐 (@tommyhale91) July 16, 2019