Our 25 favourite funny things from this week
13.
When I was a kid we called that game where you knocked on someone’s door then quickly ran away before they could answer ‘Knock Down Ginger.’
Nowadays that game is called ‘Being a Hermes Courier.’— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 10, 2019
14.
Paul Heaton
Paul Heatoff pic.twitter.com/j8oJbrsiYX— Sam (@sam_bambs) July 9, 2019
15.
Download my flute album 'Flute and Fibre’ today and get bonus tracks : ‘They Flute Horses Don’t They’ ‘The Flute of all Evil’ and ‘You Look Flutiful Tonight £8.00 pic.twitter.com/XBNiY1dpWz
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) July 10, 2019
16.
Putting a yellow raincoat on my three year old daughter.
‘This is really big isn’t it?!’
‘It’s ok, you’ll grow into it.’
……
‘But I don’t want to turn into a raincoat.’— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) July 11, 2019
17.
CHICKEN: Do you have any bawks on pronunciation
LIBRARIAN: Did you say-
CHICKEN: Just gimme the fucking bawk, lady
— mo (@chuuew) July 11, 2019
18.
boss: can I see you in my office
me: [printing out every google image search result for “dog wizard”] busy
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) July 11, 2019
19.
CAN GOD GIVE ME A COCK? pic.twitter.com/cPwPipySxJ
— Wheel Of Fortune Answers (@wofanswers) July 8, 2019
20.
As opposed to what? Hiring someone? pic.twitter.com/2zzlSyhe8Q
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) July 8, 2019
21.
I'll straight up put my suits in a briefcase and my briefs in a suitcase I really don't give a shit anymore.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 10, 2019
22.
Thrilled to announce I just dropped a brand new basil pesto on my kitchen floor! Big thanks to @Tesco for making this possible. #blessed pic.twitter.com/FcKm7PyzjY
— Laurie Kynaston (@lauriekynaston) July 9, 2019
23.
The patron saint of copying people into emails is Francis of a CC.
— Harry Baker (@harrybakerpoet) July 8, 2019
24.
New York is empty but for one man
Idris Elba in a kilt
His eyes are eternal
His thoughts, black & white
He pulls out a pocket telescope & looks out
Telescope POV: in the distance Elba is looking back at himself through another telescope
BOTH ELBAS: “Checkmate”
‘BELONG’
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) July 10, 2019
25.
Don't talk to me until I've had my tea, breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, dinner, second dinner, read the whole Internet twice, and given you the Bat signal.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 12, 2019