Our 25 favourite funny things from this week
With the news that Tommy Robinson has been sentenced to nine months in prison for contempt of court, we can’t help but wonder whether Donald Trump will stage a rescue, since the repeat offender sent him a video pleading for asylum. After all, what does Donald Trump love more than asylum seekers?
In other news, the Queen charmed everybody by planting a tree – anybody else planning to climb into Buckingham Palace should be aware she can wield a spade with the best of them.
Over on Twitter, these funny people have been doing their thing – and we’re very grateful for the diversion.
1.
My dog: What’s this?
Me: Tesco own brand dog food
My dog: Well that can fuck off!(3 days earlier)
My dog: Mmmmm, this decaying seagull carcass is delicious!
My compliments to the chef— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 6, 2019
2.
I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill
— Ismail (@MIKhanX) July 5, 2019
3.
Amazing pic.twitter.com/YCAMkECEd1
— Scouse Ma (@Scouse_ma) July 6, 2019
4.
I wonder when this guy will realize I’m only sending a picture of a loading screen… pic.twitter.com/PRwI5Z6ATA
— ConnectiCunt (@_ConnectiCunt) July 6, 2019
5.
Kylie's brother doesn't look up to much. pic.twitter.com/ZWlpIJIOJx
— Geraint (@geraintgriffith) July 6, 2019
6.
A woman on tinder told me that her hamster is a virgo. I'd rather die alone than deal with that shit.
— Simon Caine [at the #EdFringe] (@thismademecool) July 7, 2019
7.
If you boil a funny bone it becomes laughing stock
DROPS THE MIC
— PinkySwear (@EastPointWriter) July 5, 2019
8.
According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 AM and the return of Christ
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) July 5, 2019
9.
being bisexual means i'm attracted to women AND keanu reeves.
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) July 8, 2019
10.
very niche meme I made pic.twitter.com/biq06ks5CL
— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) July 9, 2019
11.
I love how being an adult is just saying "But after this week things will slow down a bit again" to yourself until you die
— Kramski (@kramski) July 8, 2019
12.
The missus has a big Dave Grohl throw that we keep on the chair by the living room window. This can sometimes give the impression we have a giant in the house keeping an eye out while we’re at work. pic.twitter.com/TSji7xCpRd
— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) July 9, 2019
