The 25 funniest things we’ve seen this week
They say a week is a long time in politics, but in these turbulent times that applies to a day, as the Tory leadership race has picked off the feeble and left – the remaining feeble. In other news – was there any other news? Possibly not, but at least there was this …funny tweets to raise our spirits.
1.
Since the Express are currently publishing my tweets as "news", my favourite UK number 1s are Wuthering Heights, Heart of Glass.Two Tribes, West End Girls, Sun Always Shines on TV, Your Woman, Stan and Roar.
— Paul Sinha (@paulsinha) June 17, 2019
2.
Okay, hear me out:
Being in a relationship
– Men 🙁
– Probably having to make an effort appearance-wise, washing more than twice monthly etc.Being a nun
– Very comfy shoes
– Living with women
– Married to actual Jesus, known hottie
– Ability to glide (they can, I've seen it)— Ciaraíoch 🎨 (@Ciaraioch) June 14, 2019
3.
[back at work after being a stay-at-home parent for many years]
Me: alright, before this meeting starts, I want everyone to go pee. I don’t care if you don’t feel it, you need to try.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) June 16, 2019
4.
How the fuck he even get in there? pic.twitter.com/Hn3826lDVJ
— 🌈🌈Ruthe Phoenix🌈🌈 (@RuthePhoenix) June 16, 2019
5.
There’s a new TK Maxx on Oxford Street. Sixty sheets gets you a Royal Doulton statuette of Duchess Kate, that ghost boy, and tiny David Walliams pic.twitter.com/v1x5yxS3nz
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) June 17, 2019
6.
[job interview]
"Time travel."
"What's your greatest skill?"
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) June 17, 2019
7.
The thing I like about KFC is how smooth the popcorn chicken is… apparently they use kernel sanders.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) June 19, 2019
8.
This gives me a horror memory of a time in a Barnes & Noble when I saw my book Them on display. I pointed at the table and told the guy, "I wrote Them. Would you like me to sign any?" He thought I was claiming to have written every book on the table and shook his head fearfully. https://t.co/g36Y5C96Km
— jon ronson (@jonronson) June 20, 2019
9.
My wife's made a rhubarb crumble. Look how thick it is! pic.twitter.com/pi7MrKwU51
— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) June 18, 2019
10.
Me: we're so compatible we finish each other's
Him: SENTENCES
Me: you interrupt me one more time I will end you
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) June 17, 2019
11.
boyfriend: why is your bag so big and full of crap?
also boyfriend: put this in your bag please— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) June 19, 2019
12.
wife: are you awake? I had the craziest dream we were at my parent's house but it wasn't my parent's house, it was an Olive Garden there was a girl, you remember Christina? but her hair was spaghetti and…
me: pic.twitter.com/nSc5PpAGDM
— human aaron (@humanaaron) June 20, 2019
