Joe Heenan’s guide to the Love Island contestants is the only one you need

Oonagh Keating. Updated June 3rd, 2019

As we prepare once again to watch an annoying collection of narcissists prance and preen to endear themselves to their voting public so as to avoid elimination, we can’t help but wish that the Conservative leadership race were over so we could concentrate on Love Island instead.

As usual, the contestants will be introducing themselves to those with the real power – the viewers. However, comedian Joe Heenan has given us a preview of this year’s hopefuls, and it’s the best you’ll see.

1. “Morag”

2. “Potato”

3. “Adolph Hitler”

4. “Lucas Aid”

5. “Amazon.co.uk”

6. “JOOHHHNNN!!!”

7. Unnamed friend of Andrew the wasp

8. A modem

Which pairs will hook up? Will Lucas Aid make Amazon.co.uk his Prime focus? Will Andrew the wasp be able to handle rejection? Find out on the new series of Love Island – or not. We’re not the boss of you.

Source: Joe Heenan