Simply 25 funny things we spotted this week
As Alabama’s live reenactment of The Handmaid’s Tale gets under way and right-wing politicians in the UK consider taking out milkshake insurance for their dry-cleaning bills, Europe is poised to make a huge decision – so, who will win Eurovision?
The rest of us have had the sunshine to enjoy, as well as these wonderfully funny tweets.
I created this piece for posterity. It’s called ‘Human Hand Without Cell Phone.' pic.twitter.com/eBClg6Ns1e
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) May 11, 2019
Here come the inspector
I'm the Jersey arrester
— Alex Hannon (@Liffonmelsmork) May 10, 2019
I'll stick to Marmite. pic.twitter.com/rcCNAyF1xL
— Julie D Irwin (@JDIrwinbooks) May 14, 2019
So many emotions… pic.twitter.com/jByKX2eMh8
— Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) May 12, 2019
Be warned, if your bank says you have an "outstanding balance" it might not be the great news it first seems.
— Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) May 16, 2019
Sorry you listened to Mozart all through your pregnancy and your kid is still stupid
— Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) May 11, 2019
If your name is Otis you are either an adorable dog or the town drunk there is no in between
— sophielou (@sophielou) May 11, 2019
My daughter: Can I go to my friend’s house?
Me: Take your phone & text me every 20 minutes to tell me you’re ok
Me when I was 10: I’m off to the abandoned quarry with my pals
Mum: Dinner’s at 5
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 14, 2019
Apologies in advance pic.twitter.com/hdceyV5b5H
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) May 12, 2019
Me *tearing up as my bride walks down the aisle on our wedding day*
Priest: Look she might come back
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 13, 2019
The best thing about all inclusive holidays with buffet style restaurants is that we don’t think twice about having a meal consisting of curry, roast potatoes, a spring roll, chicken nuggets, a steak, broccoli and a cheese omelette all on a plate that’s one size up from a saucer.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 13, 2019
My new motivational book about how to succeed while still loathing yourself is called “Trash Can!”
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) May 13, 2019