The 25 funniest tweets of the week
The weekend saw a return to the world of mythical beasts, betrayal, in-house and inter-house fighting, incestuous relations and ruthless ambition – we’ll be watching closely to see how UKIP and the Brexit Party do in the European elections. Oh, yeah – and Game of Thrones came back, for some light relief from the news.
When we weren’t working out whether Nigel Farage or Gerard Batten is Joffrey Baratheon (It’s neither – they’re Balon and Theon Greyjoy), we were enjoying these excellent jokes, and we hope you do too.
1.
Tragedy! pic.twitter.com/OobJedoweT
— Sarah W (@idlewildgirl) April 15, 2019
2.
“Russ Abbot, who was tragically vaporised this morning” pic.twitter.com/RBl2D0xAyC
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) April 17, 2019
3.
When life gives you colons… pic.twitter.com/2WMoKNFFcp
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) April 15, 2019
4.
ME: whose dog are you
DOG: I'M YOUR DOG I'M YOUR DOG YES YES YES TWIRL TWIRL
ME: whose cat are you
CAT: Possession is a solipsistic paradigm, Vivian. However, if I were to define myself as belonging to anyone, it would be myself. In this essay, I will DON'T TOUCH MY STOMACH
— The Song of the MARC (@marccold) April 15, 2019
5.
The ghost of my ancestor: 'We had eight children. Five died in infancy. I worked sixteen hours a day, six days a week. We all lived in one room. Once a year, as a treat, we shared an apple.'
Me: 'One of my app icons changed colour and my phone feels all weird.'
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) April 12, 2019
6.
EastEnders doof doof https://t.co/RoiRLV8Wdl
— Ben Cameron (@ben_cameron) April 11, 2019
7.
Hello my tube is having a breakdown pic.twitter.com/ajW6DUZMGe
— Sophie Hall (@SophLouiseHall) April 12, 2019
8.
Did..did Holy Week write this? pic.twitter.com/oiGet70NXJ
— 🎈🤡 Dublin's New Night Mayor! 🔪🦀 (@Bubblenoma) April 13, 2019
9.
Today I will be carefully collating a full list of everyone who has never seen an episode of Game Of Thrones. It is vital that this important and fascinating information is preserved for future generations and I am grateful for everyone who has selflessly contributed so far.
— Lisa Holdsworth (@WorksWithWords) April 16, 2019
10.
Someone please invite me to your wedding reception so I can buy this unnescessarily passive aggressive card. pic.twitter.com/FNPr3lmbtK
— Shanine (@braintree_) April 14, 2019
11.
‘Excuse me waiter, my burger’s wet’ pic.twitter.com/JHn5zlNSAi
— Harry Myers (@PeasOneDay) April 14, 2019
12.
[1st person to try jogging]
Peasant: what chasest thou, m’lady?
Jogger: Nothing. I doth run for mine own pleasure.
Peasant: *suddenly holding a torch and pitch fork* WITCH!!!
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) April 18, 2019
