This passive-aggressive exchange in a café is up there with the best soap storyline
Just when it seemed that everyone might move on, things took a dramatic turn.
Shots fired!!! CPW got herself a tea and a slice of cake, drank and ate it all and then put them empties down on top of DPW's book.
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
oh fuck, this is mad, fuck me
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
What happened next was the café squabble equivalent of Den Watts handing Angie divorce papers.
DPW calmly excused herself to go to the toilet, came back with water, put it down on table and knocked it over CPW's book, then quickly apologised and sat down, offering no help
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Others in the group helped clean up water, no one really seems to understand that their book group has a broiling subplot going on. Patrick especially.
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Some serious shade was thrown – subtly.
HoBG asked for suggestions of future books to read…
CPW: The Psychopath Test?
HoBG: That's a good book, anyone else read it?
One of the supporting cast of the book group has, brief discussion about Jon Ronson, DPW joining in, saying it sounds like a good book— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Time was running out for the wronged party to trade the final blow.
Official Book Group is over but it's now unofficial socialising time, two people made a quick getaway, the rest are just chatting. CPW looks lost, desperately trying to think of a way to get revenge?
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Imagine this was all viral marketing for Nine Perfect Strangers
"woah, this blew up, while you're here, check out my book Nine Perfect Strangers, available from all good the internet"— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
It's just Patrick, DPW & CPW left now. At this stage I've realised CPW should be CTW but I can't change that now
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Just enough time for a last skirmish.
Staff member came over to clear away dirty cups. CPW says not to worry, staff member looks confused.
CPW points at DPW: "She's going to do it"
Staff member looks confused and keeps clearing them away— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
DPW just pretended to be confused and looked at Patrick with a "what's that about?" look. Patrick laughed, I still don't think he knows he just attended a book group
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Ok, I think this is the end, and it's disappointing so I'll do a fake ending first, then the real one…
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Stuart fleshed out the characters a little.
Someone requested a little more detail on the protagonist and antagonist (it's up to you to decide which is which I guess). DPW in her late 50s maybe, CPW maybe 40s? Patrick in his 60s. HoBG: 60s. Staff members: teens/early 20s. Me: 30s.
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Fake ending:
CPW starts crying, staff member asks what's wrong:
"My husband left me for a dirty plate"
DPW and Patrick start making out, HoBG returns, sees what's happening and yells:
"Let's do this, Leeeeeerooyyyyyyyy Jennnnnnnkinnnnnnsssssss"— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Real ending:
Real ending:
DPW says she has to leave, Patrick laughs and I'm not sure why, shakes her hand. DPW does a Patrice Evra style ignoring of CPW, goes and pays her bill, talks to Staff Member for a bit, laughs about something and then leaves.
CPW looks absolutely devastated.— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
It had really taken its toll.
I'm exhausted pic.twitter.com/ktX05mYJnM
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
And now the REAL real ending …
OH GOD
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
CPW went up to pay for her tea and cake and it had already been paid for
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 15, 2019
Well, then! Session two of that book club is going to be the most awkward thing ever.
H/T: Twitter Moments
