Simply 25 of the week’s funniest jokes
While Parliament has been doing the verbal hokey-cokey over Brexit and Donald Trump has been forgetting where his own dad was born, we’ve been watching cat videos and reading jokes on Twitter. It’s the only way to keep the blood pressure down. Here are 25 of our favourites from the last week.
1.
The perfect shade of lipstick is apparently the same colour as your areola. In other news, I've just received a lifetime ban from the Whitby branch of Boots.
— Cromerty York – Voiceover With Own Studio & Cake (@Cromerty) April 2, 2019
2.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Yes that's correct, it's Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend so I'd suggest not mentioning Brexit or sharing your WiFi password.— Rob Manuel (@robmanuel) March 29, 2019
3.
Why is the mirror image of David Beckham in the window Paul Chuckle? pic.twitter.com/CdPoZvGAHn
— Daniel Storey (@danielstorey85) March 31, 2019
4.
Is there a way of serving kale that doesn't make your life worse?
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) April 3, 2019
5.
"Excuse me… hello – do you mind me asking, I thought I recognised your voice: are you… Béyonce?”
“It’s ‘Beyoncé' actually, but yes”
“Ah, sorry, I couldn't quite place your accent"— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) April 1, 2019
6.
*Tries putting new batteries in mouse because it's stopped working*
Vet: wtf?!
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) March 27, 2019
7.
https://twitter.com/Plexomatic/status/1112492645559889921
8.
Wow these girls really hate fruit pic.twitter.com/vsgiqbXCLb
— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) April 3, 2019
9.
I’m the trouble starter, pic.twitter.com/6kcH1eqKS9
— Daniel Maier (@danielmaier) April 1, 2019
10.
THAT… IS NOT A DOG. pic.twitter.com/w98Kvkqlcy
— Ewacado (@EwaSR) April 4, 2019
11.
This is a proper exclusive! Lorraine Kelly and the actress who plays her together on a magazine cover for the very first time! pic.twitter.com/jNyOz3lFBm
— Justin Myers (@theguyliner) April 3, 2019
12.
By the sounds of things downstairs, my wife and her book club pals sure have drunk a lot of books.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) April 4, 2019
