Theresa May does Right Said Fred and it’s a Brexit anthem for our times

You’ll remember Right Said Fred – no, not them – the Bernard Cribbins song from, well, a while back now.

Here are the lyrics rewritten to reflect the times we live in and it might just be the Brexit anthem Nigel Farage has been waiting for.

Right Said Fred

“Right, ” said May “Gonna have a Brexit
Strong and simples, steady as we go”
Went to Brussels, tried to flex her muscles
She was getting nowhere
And so she had a cuppa tea and

“Right, ” said May “Give a shout for Boris”
“Rah!” say Boris “this won’t take a mo!”
Told them “whistle”, made the EU bristle
He was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea

Now the PM had a think
And she thought we ought
To find someone to save us
So she called for David Davis
But he did no good
Did she really think he would?

“Right ” said May “DUP is needed
Call up Arlene, bung her lots of dough”
What a giggle, made the PM wriggle
Should have got her somewhere but no!
So May said “Let’s have another cuppa tea.”
And we said, “right-o”

“Right, ” said May, “Gonna need a backstop
Irish border, keep the status quo”
Her idea bit her in the rear
And it got her nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea and

“Right, ” said May “Here’s the ultimatum
Vote this through coz it’s our final throw”
Croaky throat too, couldn’t get the vote through
She was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea.

Jacob had a think, and he said, “Look chaps
I get a sort of feeling
If we can slip no deal in
With a bribe or two we could force our Brexit through.”

“Right!” said May, loading up a shotgun
Peace and progress – everything must go
Was she in trouble, emptied both barrels,
Shot herself in both feet again!
So suck it and see but you musn’t blame me
I voted remain…