This thread about Fifty Shades Darker is a hilariously bad review
The Fifty Shades franchise started out as author E.L. James’ Twilight fan fiction and went downhill from there. It’s the story of the BDSM relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele – fun fact: charity shops were given so many copies of the novel that they had to beg people to stop donating it. Writer, Beth McColl, decided to subject herself to watching the second film in the trilogy, Fifty Shades Darker, so we don’t have to, and if this thread is anything to go by, we can’t thank her enough.
Right I’m starting “Fifty Shades Darker” because I clearly just love to suffer. I’ve forgotten almost everything that happened in the last one which is probably a good thing. My brain expunging itself of all that is unholy. Amen. Let’s go
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
film begins with a gritty flashback. a man just screamed at a woman and called her both “a silly twit” and a “stupid fucking bitch”. the men in this film are so friendly!!!!!
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
Christian Grey appears to have grown up in London during the blitz. His dad is dressed like the Fonz and is not a nice man. This movie is going to try and make me feel sorry for CG but I won’t do it
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
there’s our girl Anastasia Steele! she’s got some lippy on and some kind of shoulder pad. good for you hun. not a cardigan in sight
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
he’s bought her flowers which is such a cop out for any man but especially for a billionaire. buy her a fucking space diamond or a hover car. when will men learn that women don’t want flowers. they want nunchucks. fucking moron
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
It looked like E.L. James might still be into vampires.
oh she’s gone to work and a HANDSOME MAN is there. not that one. a new one. he has the face of a teenage arsonist and the hair of a dracula. I absolutely hate him which means she’ll probably fall in love with him any minute
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
horrid new fact: she takes her tea “weak” and “black”. 1) revolting 2) makes zero sense. no milk but it’s somehow strong? ? how dat? is that one dunk of the bag and then it’s finished? sounds like my ex husband ha ha haaaa
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse – there’s a Coldplay song.
btw a horrible coldplay cover has been playing this whole scene. i didn’t tell you because i didn’t want to upset you but i can’t keep it from you. it’s that one about yellow. i think it’s called yellow
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
why does she talk like a cartoon duckling? you’ve been railed in the sex dungeon babe you’re beyond this
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
she’s at a gallery which seems to be displaying only default computer screensavers. dell desktop originals. it’s horrid. that’s a mouse mat pic.twitter.com/eVvMwvGGdZ
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
Christmas Grape is here! He’s being immediately creepy and the worst. he just bought six (6) enormous photos of her face. imagine going to his house for afters and there’s just her heed everywhere. horrid.
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) March 12, 2019
