25 funniest jokes of the week
It’s the end of a week in which Theresa May mistook Bath for Salisbury, the Defence Secretary said the Army will end knife crime and we discovered we’ve been eating pineapples the wrong way our entire lives. However, it’s International Women’s Day and the weekend is so close we can hear it breathing, so let’s just relax and have a laugh at these funny things we’ve seen during the week.
1.
Essex town has existential crisis. pic.twitter.com/5dUx5oFmqU
— Avian Face-Tool ❄ (@Beakmoo) March 2, 2019
2.
Beauty rule: someone will always tell you your hair looks great on the day you're going to get it cut.
— Tracey Thorn (@tracey_thorn) March 6, 2019
3.
I just realized why America is in such a bad place right now. We don't have Pancakes Day!
On second thought, no. It's Trump. Trump's the problem.
— John Lewis (@johnlewis) March 5, 2019
4.
At the gym I said subscription instead of membership and the girl replied with “lol this isn’t a pharmacy” bitch that’s a prescription, we’re both stupid
— َ (@userfeeI) March 3, 2019
5.
Ok so we're doing Brexit like Christmas shopping. It's December 1st, 25 days to go, and we don't have any presents yet.
— Dr Adam Rutherford (@AdamRutherford) March 4, 2019
6.
Both Cream and The Jam were going to reunite for gigs in Devon and Cornwall this year, but the venues couldn't agree about who should go on first.
— Jason (@NickMotown) March 6, 2019
7.
I can’t pronounce this except as an older Irish lady asking for a root vegetable. pic.twitter.com/pLOpGg2Txu
— Laura Lexx (@lauralexx) March 6, 2019
8.
Me: Will you marry me?
Girlfriend: No.
Hot air balloon pilot: It takes me about an hour to land this thing so this is now awkward.
— Ian Sausage (@stephenjmolloy) March 5, 2019
9.
If an 80s wrestler’s funeral doesn’t end in everyone standing up and using their chair to hit the person next to them, why bother going?
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) March 5, 2019
10.
Good morning to everybody apart from former contestants on Deal or No Deal? who believed that thinking positively and holding hands would change the contents of a fucking box.
— Susan (@FattusAntus) March 4, 2019
11.
https://twitter.com/SulzAli/status/1102738936047300609
12.
Warning: This Tweet contains a minor spoiler.
Michael Jackson.
— Jamie (@Simply_Smithy) March 7, 2019
