Simply 27 sizzling-hot takes on Valentine’s Day
It’s St. Valentine’s Day, once a solemn celebration of a martyr who died horribly for his beliefs, now a way of propping up the greetings card, restaurant and chocolate industries – makes perfect sense. Whether you sent or received a Valentine’s Day token, our gift to you is this collection of musings on the special day.
1.
Some couples do Valentines Day, and single ladies do Galentines Day, but my husband & I do Shallentines Day. As in: “Shall we have sex, or shall we nap?” It keeps the mystery alive!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) February 14, 2019
2.
Valentine’s Day when dating: Godiva chocolates, dozen long stemmed red roses, dinner at La Boucherie
Valentine’s Day when married: “I bought you that deodorant you like.”
— TheAlexNevil, Expert Snorer (@TheAlexNevil) February 7, 2019
3.
Scattered petals on the floor leading to the bedroom for the missus to find but I don’t have any flowers so I’ve had to use chips
#Valentines pic.twitter.com/zdqwTO56BN— joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 14, 2019
4.
My wife and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day but we do celebrate Valentine's Boxing Day on February 15th when supermarkets panic sell boxes of chocolates for 25p
— ChrisPianity (@ChrisPurchase) February 10, 2019
5.
When you realise your milk has a Valentine’s date but you don’t pic.twitter.com/9Z8dbyxdJ3
— Books and Wine (@booksandwine76) February 11, 2019
6.
As your goth valentine I promise to leave you alone while you read about the occult while secretly plotting my murder.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) February 11, 2019
7.
Oh you don't have a valentine on valentine's day? Some people don't even have a groundhog on groundhogs day. check your privilege
— Johnny Brittner (@JohnnyBrittner) February 10, 2019
8.
I'm working on a Valentine's day poem.
I reckon rhyming boobs with pubes may be the kicker.
She'll be mine by Easter.— Matho (@MathoInc) February 12, 2019
9.
https://twitter.com/jeyvkookie/status/1094549469998112769
10.
71% of Earth is water. The rest is Valentines Day stuff.
— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) February 12, 2019
11.
Finally got a Date for Valentines Day, It's a court date but still, I get to dress up
— Easy Breezy SideNigga (@Nu_Age_Bron) February 6, 2019
12.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've never met a florist
As patronising as you#ValentinesDay— ben turner (@BreakyWakey_Ben) February 12, 2019
13.
WARNING! If you receive a free Valentine's Day card from the Hackney Gazette, then open with extreme caution.#ValentinesDay pic.twitter.com/84He8fejYJ
— Andrew Bloch (@AndrewBloch) February 13, 2019
14.
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