Just 20 ‘dad jokes’ to distract you momentarily from the horror of existence
11.
It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) October 28, 2016
12.
I went to the doctors. He said, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
I said, 'Why?' He said, 'I don't like my neighbours'— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) September 6, 2016
13.
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus, isn't it?
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 16, 2016
14.
I wondered why the football was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) April 18, 2016
15.
I said to the waiter, “How long will my spaghetti be?” He said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) January 17, 2016
16.
When I was in the army, once the sergeant said to me: “What does surrender mean?” I said: “I give up.”
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 17, 2015
17.
I was so drunk, I took the bus home. Never driven a bus before.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 15, 2015
18.
I told my psychiatrist that I might be a kleptomaniac. He gave me tablets and said, "if you're no better in a week bring me a colour TV".
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 11, 2015
19.
My nephew was caught stealing a calendar. He got 12 months.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 28, 2015
20.
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 23, 2014
