People are sharing the “greatest hits” of their profession – our 31 favourite clichés
Hello, I’m a marine mammalogist, you might know me from my greatest hits: “no, I don’t swim with dolphins”, “no, dolphins don’t telepathically speak to aliens & take that crystal away” and “really, I don’t swim with dolphins because it’s bad for them and they are total dicks!” https://t.co/agaNjwN46A
— Craken MacCraic (@Craken_MacCraic) January 20, 2019
Hello, I’m a criminal defense lawyer. You may know me from my greatest hits including “I sleep just fine at night”, “what’s so hard about never talk to the police?” and “witness testimony *is* evidence”
Look for my new tracks “Stop Googling!” and “appeal is another retainer”!! https://t.co/9lOoIwnzwZ
— Criminelle Law (@CriminelleLaw) January 19, 2019
Hello, I'm a palaeontologist, you might know me from my greatest hits: "Pterosaurs are not dinosaurs", "No, that random lump of rock is not a new species of dinosaur", and the 90s banger: "Yes, *eye roll* like Ross from Friends" https://t.co/s9zG3vMqyL
— Emma Dunne (@emmadnn) January 19, 2019
Hi! I’m a pediatrician and a father. You might know me from my greatest hits, including “No, We Are Not Buying a Trampoline,” “Yes, You Must Wear Your Helmet,” and “Go Back to Bed, I’m Tweeting at Antivaxers.” https://t.co/EndB2OoQQt
— Nathan Boonstra MD (@PedsGeekMD) January 19, 2019
Hi, I'm a GP. You might know me from some of my greatest hits like: "your chest sounds fine, there's no need for antibiotics", "please write something nice on NHS choices", "allergy testing isn't going to help with this one", and "yes that's correct, you'll have to buy Aveeno". https://t.co/aP8Y5tN52u
— Stephanie Coughlin (@drstephcoughlin) January 18, 2019
Hi, I’m a climate scientist. You may know me from my greatest hits including, “No, it’s not a natural cycle,” “Yes, I know it’s been warmer before (and the only reason YOU know is because we scientists told you so),” and “Just because it’s on YouTube doesn’t mean it’s true.” https://t.co/0TwoErsgvA
— Katharine Hayhoe (@KHayhoe) January 20, 2019
Hello, I'm a chemist! You may know me from my greatest hits "Everything Is Chemicals", "There's No Such Thing As Chemical-Free Food" and "Yes, I Know How To Make Meth, But I Don't Do It" https://t.co/8dBG3iSLsm
— Chemjobber (@Chemjobber) January 20, 2019
Hello, I’m a eurocrat. You may know me from my greatest hits including “actually that’s just a myth”, “yeah that one’s also a myth”, and “Jesus not that one again, it’s a complete myth.” https://t.co/E5E6ziNm2i
— Chris Kendall (@ottocrat) January 20, 2019
Hi I'm a cartoonist / illustrator. You may know me from my greatest hits "No, I can't illustrate your book for free, even though your grandkids really enjoyed it" "Yes, I do actually make a living doing this" and "The 'program' I use to draw with is called 'a pen'" https://t.co/Z3nA5DepLz
— Gemma Correll (@gemmacorrell) January 21, 2019
Hi, I’m an agronomist. You may know me from my greatest hits including, “Nope, don’t work with telescopes,” “Actually, we don’t grow all our food in computerized greenhouses now,” “Matt Damon’s potatoes in The Martian are ridiculous,“ & “I don’t know how to save your houseplant.” https://t.co/09SP04AtS6
— Ricardo J Salvador (@cadwego) January 20, 2019
Hi im a Police Officer. You might know me from some of my greatest hits like:
'No I haven't got anything better to do.'
'You really don't pay my wages.'
'Guess what i really do have to eat at work to stay alive.'
'Wot no Rest Days'
' Yes i know you've shagged my mother.'
— Meeeeee. (@DonnaDlm71) January 20, 2019
Hi, I'm an independent artist. You might know me from some of my greatest hits like "It's priced according to the amount of time it takes me as well as the materials required," "No, it won't ship tomorrow, I'm not Amazon," and "That's how much it actually costs to make that." https://t.co/ak8L4C9vuc
— Solidarity Pins 43% shipped! (@vaspider) January 20, 2019
Even a thesaurus had something to say about it.
Hi, I'm the thesaurus. You might know me from some of my greatest hits, such as "Their, they're, and there are not synonyms," "Sometimes bad is a synonym for good," and "If you can't remember a word, I've got options for you." https://t.co/68mePbgMfM
— Thesaurus.com (@thesauruscom) January 20, 2019
More from the Poke
19 of the very best of the 10-year challenge meme
These Germans’ love letter to Britain went viral because it’s giving people feelings about Brexit