11 savage burns on Ted Cruz for saying his beard makes him look like a rabbi
Republican senator, Ted Cruz, who is definitely not the Zodiac Killer, has recently begun sporting a beard – which is definitely not a disguise. There’ve been a few comments about his new look, including one apparently made by a rabbi and related to the senator.
Pretty cool: A good friend is studying in Yeshiva in Israel. His rabbi told him he liked my beard, elaborating “It gives Cruz a Talmudic & Rabbinic look & presence that will put the fear of the Lord into Israel’s enemies & promote Middle East peace.” Wow. Perhaps a bit much….
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) January 9, 2019
This statement – which definitely isn’t totally made up by Ted Cruz – attracted the attention of some actual rabbis, and they had this to say.
1.
If you ever read the Talmud, you'd find out that it covers topics such ensuring that low-wage employees don't get trampled on by their bosses, just stewardship of communal & personal resources, creating a criminal justice system that ensures dignity of all, and moral integrity. https://t.co/QxxtEkAPy7
— Rabbi Jill Jacobs (@rabbijilljacobs) January 9, 2019
2.
In my opinion, the best response to the @tedcruz's rabbinic beard is from the rabbis:
"Do not look at the vessel, but rather what is inside of it." M. Pirkei Avot 4:20 https://t.co/l010y43yUW
— Rabbi Josh Yuter (@JYuter) January 9, 2019
3.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Also I have a Rabbinic look, not you.
Also no.
Also, in addition: No. https://t.co/FjFaASQ5LO
— Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg (@TheRaDR) January 9, 2019
It wasn’t just rabbis who chipped in.
4.
Pretty cool: my pedicurist said my toenails remind her of eagle talons that can tear and shred wild beasts of prey and that I should use them to intimidate the mean checkout girl at Kroger.
— Yoganurse_Lisa (@Yoganurse_Lisa) January 9, 2019
5.
On behalf of the Jews, nobody likes your beard or believes you have any friends. https://t.co/B2Hs9rrLiK
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 9, 2019
6.
also I just got an email from my cool friend in Canada (you don't know her) that she saw Beyonce and Beyonce said that "you know Sam Sykes is super cool and handsome" and Daniel Craig was there and said "yeah I agree I work at Nintendo and Sam is going to be in the next Mario" https://t.co/8wfnwFbzSX
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) January 9, 2019
7.
The Talmud notes that Rav Mar ben Yitzhak of Yavne was given by Hashem a fucking cluster of pubes on his face (out of punishment for ram misappropriation) that kept the Roman tax-collectors away out of fright. I believe this is to what the Rabbi refers. https://t.co/hZRihGpHO6
— Judah Fishmonger (@praisegodbarbon) January 10, 2019
8.
When ur mom says you look handsome https://t.co/KMYzTwzk4R
— Connor Wroe Southard (@ConnorSouthard) January 9, 2019
9.
This clearly didn't happen because Ted Cruz doesn't have any friends https://t.co/mpvhBr6gI6
— David Klion (@DavidKlion) January 9, 2019
10.
My rabbi said it looks like you slathered your face in honey and then went to town on a giant bowl of old-man pubes.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) January 9, 2019
11.
Ted Cruz, militaristic Jewish sex symbol https://t.co/ROoivQX2fK
— Eli Valley (@elivalley) January 9, 2019
Columnist, Molly Jong-Fast, spelt it out for him.
Ted is hoping that we’ll start thinking of him as a rabbi and not the zodiac killer but I have bad news for Ted. https://t.co/XCesZc2hcu
— Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) January 9, 2019
H/T: someecards
