A woman offered to do this at funerals and Neil Gaiman (and 1000s of others) are totally up for it
Writer Dana Schwartz had a once in a lifetime offer to turn up at people’s funerals and do this (for a small fee, obviously).
If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
Just in case you were tempted.
my venmo is dana-schwartz-11 I will need the money deposited in advanced, and your obituary will need to be published in a newspaper so I can write a code on the back and leave it at your grave for someone to find. the code will be nonsense.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
And it clearly struck a chord because it went madly, crazily viral, prompting all sorts of responses including this, from author Neil Gaiman.
If you promise to dab your cheeks from time to time with a black lace handkerchief you’ve got a deal.
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) January 3, 2019
Oh that was a given
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
Brilliant. Should I put it into my will, or just send you the $50 and trust you to show up and make people think I was interesting?
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) January 3, 2019
Obviously, you’ll need all the help you can get. But you can trust I’ll be there (don’t make it for a while).
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 4, 2019
And here’s how other people responded, as the whole idea truly took on a life of its own.
Funeral to follow 😀
— Terry Welch (@tkw5502) January 5, 2019
Ill give you $75 if when the casket is going down you walk over and place a small box on top and say only loud enough for a few people to hear “if they only knew”
— dick (@spursyyank) January 5, 2019
Or how about as the burial ends, taking out your phone, ringing someone and just saying “it’s done” before pausing & hanging up, then just turning and walking away?
— Dave Nevett (@_GLB) January 5, 2019
There was someone like that at the last funeral I attended. Your business is obviously doing well.
— Kathleen McGurl (@KathMcGurl) January 5, 2019
Can I be the guy by the black car wearing black leather gloves, sunglasses, and chewing gum, slowly? We might have a legit biz here!
— theSouthernNewYorker (@SouthernNYorker) January 5, 2019
I need another 1000 bucks to find someone who could create an artificial rain of sorts to make it more intriguing.
— Sreedhar Iyer, Author🖋️📘 (@sreedharIyer) January 5, 2019
Provide Watering cans, stepladder and gilly suit. Will climb tree myself. 15% off for authors. 90% refund if I fall out of tree.
— lutherblissett (@lutherb91898797) January 6, 2019
$100 if she smears her eye makeup and leaves a single rose in my casket, drinks from a flask and leaves without saying a word.
— PATRICK HAYES (@HAZE1075) January 5, 2019
If I double it, will you tell people I was a traveler from the future and you were my handler?
— Andrew Gurevich (@agingprophet) January 5, 2019
Please come to my cat’s funeral. Then they will for sure know that my cat was plotting something.
— Trolling Cat (@AliceKazu) January 5, 2019
Such was the response that she later said this.
people venmoing me: jokes on you, I’m actually coming to your funeral.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 4, 2019
EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO FIND A VINTAGE CIGARETTE HOLDER STAT. I HAVE A FUNERAL TO MOROSELY GAZE UPON. pic.twitter.com/hOeQcSggdX
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
ok don’t actually venmo me you guys, just buy my book https://t.co/Y31jAAll8f
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 4, 2019
