Just 25 of the funniest jokes from this week
We’re in a brand new year and already we’ve had Donald Trump telling us he could run for any office in Europe and the UK Transport Secretary has given £14m to a ferry company with no ferries. It seems like we just can’t have nice things – apart from funny jokes on the free site that is Twitter. Here are 25 from the last week. Enjoy!
1.
me in Tesco when I put my 1p change in the charity box by the till pic.twitter.com/2f3R9jJXwu
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) January 1, 2019
2.
If you want to annoy everyone in the world regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, political leanings, nationality, anything – put your cutlery in any drawer but the top drawer.
— James Acaster (@JamesAcaster) January 3, 2019
3.
Hello clarice pic.twitter.com/xLJTBUYMCH
— No Dana only Yuul (@coffinvixen) January 3, 2019
4.
Marvel – 'Infinity War' is the most ambitious crossover event in history
Me – pic.twitter.com/yEyBNzYdar
— General Boles (@GeneralBoles) January 2, 2019
5.
Has science gone too far? pic.twitter.com/JoNBOV1Tp1
— Captain Kidd (@kidd_kong78) January 2, 2019
6.
I will not be doing passive-aggressive subtweets in 2019. Unlike some people.
— ⛄️ (@nomchompsky) January 1, 2019
7.
Despite all their disagreements, human beings are fundamentally stupid.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 2, 2019
8.
R.I.P. 2018 (2018 – 2018)
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 31, 2018
9.
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful mouse
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful knife pic.twitter.com/3whMgsD8Qm— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) January 1, 2019
10.
Can you all stop saying 'it'll take five, ten minutes' please. The second number you quoted is literally double the first one. I have no faith in your estimation now that you've admitted there is a 100% margin of error.
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) January 3, 2019
11.
ive modified my phone to deliver electric shocks each time one of you unfollows me. The pain will make me kinder, humbler, and more powerful
— wint (@dril) January 3, 2019
12.
If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
