The 25 funniest jokes of the week
13.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, FIVE GOLD RINGS, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
Ate the birds. Sold the rings to a reindeer. Bought more birds. Ate them too. pic.twitter.com/mWm9CfkJXr— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 5, 2018
14.
Changed Alexa so it responds to “computer” and now breakfast is 100% the shift before Picard comes on deck
— Al Murray (@almurray) December 5, 2018
15.
Blimey. Kirstie's Handmade Christmas just upped its game. https://t.co/yr2zFbxk0k
— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) December 2, 2018
16.
These Freddie Mercury cupcakes look delicious.
I want to bake three. pic.twitter.com/6JVSjuWWfi
— Daniel Edison (@DanEdisonComedy) December 3, 2018
17.
The worst part about insomnia is having to eat spiders while conscious
— Travis W. Griswold (@Prof_Hinkley) December 6, 2018
18.
ME: *strums guitar* How do you play jingle bell rock?
DAVE: Jingle cuts through bell, bell covers rock and rock smashes jingle.
— Woody Barrelson (@Woody_B_) December 5, 2018
19.
MARY: Well, I just had a baby… in a barn. So, thanks to everyone who brought gifts. The gold, the perfumes. All things babies love.
Also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face.
This…this was great.— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) December 4, 2018
20.
'One in three children not active enough'. Perhaps if we banned Piggy in the Middle?
— Milton Jones (@themiltonjones) December 6, 2018
21.
i always welcome criticism, just not when it's about me
— rob. (@robfromonline) December 2, 2018
22.
https://twitter.com/gracepetrie/status/1070387698941288448
23.
You have two brief windows in life where you can sing All I Want For Christmas Is My 2 Front Teeth without making everyone uncomfortable pic.twitter.com/gL0oG0WVBl
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) December 6, 2018
24.
The Dow Jones is dropping like a stone. Frightened Americans turn to their leader, a failed steak salesman who lost money running a casino.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) December 6, 2018
25.
And those main headlines again… pic.twitter.com/JsW9epUiOW
— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) December 3, 2018
let us know if we missed your favourite joke.
