There’s a new meme on the block but he never texts you back – the 25 hottest takes

Most have us have had that one person in our lives: doesn’t text back, leaves you feeling drained, is ultimately very disappointing – but enough about plumbers, because there’s a new meme on the block and it’s everywhere you look. The key element is whether you’re getting the attention you deserve, but it’s not how it first seems – it’s much better.

1.

ladies, if he:

– never texts you back
– always interjects with unsolicited advice
– reads your personal documents
– constantly tries to help you format paragraphs
– is a sentient paper clip

he’s not your man. he’s clippy the microsoft word office assistant

— #1 Rachel (@rachel) November 24, 2018

2.

Ladies. If he:

-Doesn’t text back straight away
-lives in the forest
-doesn’t shave at all
-doesn’t really speak to you
-is camera shy
-leaves massive footprints wherever he goes

Forget it. He’s a Sasquatch.

— amanda abbington (@CHIMPSINSOCKS) November 27, 2018

3.

Ladies! If he

– isn’t on time
– never texts you back
– doesn’t know how to operate a phone
– works chiefly in the fields
– invents horse-drawn seeding machines
– often gets mistaken for a rock band

He’s NOT your man.
He’s 18th century agricultural reformer Jethro Tull

— Rachel Parris (@rachelparris) November 27, 2018

4.

ladies, if he:

– never texts you back
– has a martyr complex
– believes freedom is the right of all sentient beings
– is about as big as a house
– can transform into a truck

he’s not your man. he’s optimus prime

— Elio Abdullah (@heliosdraws) November 26, 2018

5.

Ladies, if he:

– never texts back
– doesn’t follow you on social media
– can’t go in the water
– emotionally tortures you
– has a super hard shell

He's not your man. He's a book, and books are better than men, so happy reading.

— Random House (@randomhouse) November 24, 2018

6.

https://twitter.com/luulubuu/status/1067412864418357250

7.

Ladies, if he:
-doesn't text you back
-doesn't return your calls
-is a faker
-hasn’t found that damn FOURTH Chaos Emerald
-has more edge than an angry 10 year old
-works for an agency that screwed him over in the past

He's not your man. He is Shadow the Hedgehog. pic.twitter.com/blilnwRVaE

— Cy (@Cybrid101) November 27, 2018

8.

Ladies, if he

– Never texts back
– Leaves you feeling emotionally drained
– Rejects you repeatedly but you always come back for more
– Costs you your sleep, health, happiness, and self-esteem

He's not your man. He's the academic job market.

— Lisa Haushofer (@LisaHaushofer) November 26, 2018

9.

Ladies, if he:

– ignores your text messages
– doesn't like your tweets
– is a famed Italian badboy
– was under house arrest for 9 years
– made an enemy of the Church

He's not your man. He's Galileo Galilei, dead over 375 years. Please put him back from whence you've dug him up.

— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) November 26, 2018

10.

Ladies, if he

– never texts you back
– doesn’t respond to your emails
– is sorry not to be writing with better news
– can’t give you individual feedback due to the high volume of applications received

He’s not your man. He’s an arts organisation.

— Finn den Hertog (@FinndH) November 27, 2018

11.

Ladies, if he

– doesn't text you back
– shows off your pictures but doesn't tell anyone who you are
– has a Nobel prize
– takes credit for your groundbreaking discovery of the molecular structure of DNA

He’s not your man. He’s Watson and Crick

— uncle adam (@ThatAdamKid) November 27, 2018

12.

Ladies, if he

– Never texts back
– Leaves you financially drained
– Refers to Pan-Nationalism and the IRA every time he does something wrong so you'll keep voting for him
– Costs you your public services, welfare and economic security

He's not your man. He's the DUP.

— Brendan Harkin (@brendanjharkin) November 27, 2018

13.

Ladies! If he

– makes you wait
– stays out late at night
– is entirely stationary
– is surrounded by red cones
– is slowing traffic between junctions 3-12

He’s NOT your man, he’s the current roadworks on the M4.

And you don’t need that in your life.

— Rachel Parris (@rachelparris) November 28, 2018

14.

Ladies, if he:

* Solicits opinion of 3 strangers before agreeing to a date
* Takes months to reply
* Nitpicks about your appearance
* Demands you make major changes
* Won’t let you see friends unless they pay

He’s not the one. He’s a scientific journal.

— Michael Eisen (@mbeisen) November 27, 2018