Just 19 more “shit jokes” to make you laugh because laughing is better than crying

So @ShitJokes on Twitter does exactly what it says on the tin. It shares shit jokes.

But some of them are also really rather funny, and here are a few of our recent favourites…




My girlfriend asked me to stop singing I’m a believer by The Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.


Why aren’t people in the Afghanistan allowed to watch TV?

Because of the telly ban.


My grief counsellor died the other day…

But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.


My Granddad just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I asked, “Who’s this?”

My Granddad said, “He’s my hip replacement.”


I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son.”

“Don’t call me son,” I said. “You’re not my dad.”

He scratched his head. “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”


What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O’Shea.


I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words.

“Stop shaking the ladder you little twat.”


Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.

I said “Is that a fret?”


By previously legalising same-sex marriage and now Marijuana, Canada have finally interpreted the bible correctly:

Leviticus 20:13 “If a man lies with another man he should be stoned.”


A weasel walks into a bar.

The Bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.


Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.


My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

Until she checked the freezer.


Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn’t include a driver.

Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…


I went into the cake shop earlier, bloke said “all cakes £1.”

I said “Can I get that one?”

“£2.” He replied.

“£2?” I asked.

He said “aye, that’s Madeira cake.”


I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a guy hiding behind a gravestone.

I said “Morning.”

He replied, “No, just having a shit.”


A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer…


I had a surprise bukkake party for my wife last night.

Everyone came.

You should’ve seen her face!


Knock knock…

Who’s there?




And here’s our previous round-up of Shit Jokes