People are sharing their favourite stupid jokes and these 41 are so stupid – they’re brilliant
The internet can be a bit of a depressing place at times, with its fake news, its real news and its pictures of cats in tights – no, wait – not that last one. One person, however, decided to tease a little joy out of it by encouraging others to share stupid jokes.
Tell me your favourite stupid joke. Go on.
— Just Pengy (@ImaginaryPengy) November 12, 2018
Twitter did not disappoint – there’s no doubt whatsoever that these jokes are stupid, but they’re somehow also completely brilliant.
1.
I took the shell off of my racing snail to make it go faster but, if anything, it's made it more sluggish
— Tracey Howarth (@traceyhowarth) November 12, 2018
2.
What’s red and smells like green paint?
Red paint.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) November 12, 2018
3.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop…
— Andrea Miller (@AndreaMiller21) November 12, 2018
4.
I bought a thesaurus the other day. I was swindled – it was terrible and, er, terrible.
— Geordie Scoot (@GeordieScoot) November 12, 2018
5.
I was offered 8 legs of Venison for £30 yesterday.
I said "No ….. that's too dear"— Dave ….. just Dave (@rockgod1970) November 12, 2018
6.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers
— Belle Tower (@SpongePuddin) November 12, 2018
7.
Have you heard the one about the ice cream man found dead in his kiosk covered in peanuts and chocolate sauce?
He topped himself.
— PT (@WestminsterPT) November 12, 2018
8.
Man walks into a pet shop and says "I'd like to buy a wasp"
"We don't sell wasps, this is a pet shop." says the shopkeeper.
"But you've got two in your window"— Codename: Gary Seven (@Supervisor1_9_4) November 12, 2018
9.
Why does it take David Beckham an hour to make a glass of squash?
Because it says 'concentrate' on the bottle.— hop (@the2ndhop) November 12, 2018
10.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
— Fred Barboo (@fredbarboo) November 12, 2018
11.
Rang the chip shop, asked, "Do you deliver?"
He said, "No, we do chicken and fish".— Col (@Bigshirtlesscol) November 12, 2018
12.
What’s pink and slippery?……my pink slippers
— Trudi (@Trudski2012) November 12, 2018
13.
What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.
— Nick L'Mao (@NickLMao1) November 12, 2018
14.
Doctor doctor I feel like a deck of cards!
Well buy some then and stop bothering me.
— Rob Turner (@ReynardCity) November 12, 2018
15.
What white and yellow and goes at 100mph?
– A train driver's egg sandwich.
— alan (@crowbloke) November 12, 2018
16.
I've got loads of them pal:
Frog walks into a bank and says "Hi, can I open a current account please?" And the bloke says "No, you're a frog."
— Allen Miles (@ManicOwl) November 13, 2018
17.
Customer: Can i have 6 brown eggs in a white bag & 6 white eggs in a brown bag please?
Shopkeeper: You're a policeman aren't you?
Cust: Yes,how did you work that out?
S/keep: You've still got your hat on.
— Lars Chris Mars (@LarsChrisMars1) November 12, 2018
18.
Q. What floats on water and goes "quick"?
A. South African duck— Tracey Howarth (@traceyhowarth) November 12, 2018
19.
via
20.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick
— Jeffers (@JeffersView) November 12, 2018
21.
My Grandad went down in History. He also fingered a girl in Geography.
— Jay cloth (@jaycloth74_jay) November 12, 2018
