25 things that made us laugh this week
We’d say it’s Friday but we’re not sure what’s fake news and what isn’t, these days, so we’ll just say it appears to be Friday but the recording might have been tampered with by Breitbart. In any event, it’s time to share with you the funniest jokes and pictures we’ve seen this week from these
enemies of the people hilarious tweeters.
he won't really run for president
he won't really get the nomination
he won't really win the election
he won't really start a holocaust oh
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) November 3, 2018
Life is full of surprises. Last night I discovered that a discarded bra can, in the dark, look rather like a sleeping cat. And that if someone lies on the floor and starts to stroke the bra cat at 4am, then falls asleep, the first moments after they wake can be very confusing. pic.twitter.com/wfGlmnm7QG
— Susan Calman (@SusanCalman) November 3, 2018
The thing I like about KFC is how smooth the popcorn chicken is… apparently they use kernel sanders.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) October 11, 2018
SIGN: Do not reach hands into enclosure.
ME: *slowly starts sliding big toe towards panda*
— Sara Wren (@sarawrencomedy) November 6, 2018
The novelty of being a parent wears off depending on how many kids you have.
I’m not saying you don’t love them the same but we have about a 1000 photos of my 1st child, around half that for the middle one & I think there’s 1 photo of my youngest in the background at a barbecue
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) November 6, 2018
Which star sign are you?
♉️ Space hopper
♊️ Bad sequel
♋️ Tadpoles down a plughole
♌️ Bomb with long fuse
♍️ Drunk fish
♏️ Stock market rollercoaster
♐️ Drunken anchor
♒️ Crocodile's back
♓️ Two people sucking one bit of spaghetti
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) November 7, 2018
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
But I always did the biiiiiiiiins
Yes I always did the bins
— joe (@mutablejoe) November 8, 2018
Why are seafood restaurants by the sea but steak restaurants never on the edge of a field?
— Suze AzzopAAARGHdi (@TheAzzo) November 8, 2018
You treacherous scum… pic.twitter.com/wTuFwypWlz
— Kathryn 💙 (@KathrynGamer) November 7, 2018
If you hold a trilby to your ear you can hear Nigel Farage reciting the ingredients of a Waitrose game terrine.
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) November 5, 2018
If you feel sad today, just imagine Mike Pence swearing 2 women into Congress with the Qur'an
— Shahed Amanullah (@shahed) November 7, 2018
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) November 8, 2018