Just 25 really funny jokes from the last week
If this week had been in a TV show, we’d say it was far fetched. The President of the European Commission, Jean-Claude Juncker, mocked Theresa May by dancing badly, Kanye West had lunch with Donald Trump – because that’s a thing now and Princess Eugenie’s sister read an excerpt from a book about deceit, infidelity and violent death, at the latest royal wedding. Meanwhile, these people on Twitter made us laugh and we think they’ll do the same for you.
1.
Why's it called Jurassic World and not A Reptile Dysfunction
— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) October 6, 2018
2.
ME: What if I have a robotic arm?
PRIEST: God will make you whole again in Heaven.
ME: But what if I really love my robotic arm?
PRIEST: God will grant you happiness.
ME: Can God give me two robotic arms?
PRIEST: Please, I beg you, others are waiting to use the confessional.
— …Let the Right Justin (@Staggfilms) October 9, 2018
3.
*Pearly Gates*
St. Peter: So what did you do on earth?
Me: Well I was a cobbler. So I guess you could say I’ve done a lot of “sole” searching.
St. Peter:
Me: I’m so tired please let me in.— Jack The JoooOOooOOooo (@okimstillhungry) October 9, 2018
4.
https://twitter.com/AndrewNadeau0/status/1049476071505231872
5.
Yes @OmegaSprinkle you have two sausages instead of one, please return the additional sausage to the bar immediately. Tom pic.twitter.com/ajHll2AM8c
— WETHERSP00NS (@Wetherspoon__UK) October 7, 2018
6.
I’m starting to lose faith in the traditional climate change mitigation plan of “only whatever is of exactly zero inconvenience to people with vast amounts of money”
— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) October 8, 2018
7.
They missed a complete open goal. WHY NOT RAMBO NUMBER FIVE? https://t.co/RnOHuvphtQ
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) October 9, 2018
8.
I’m in Ikea and I totally just read this as someone asking if anyone would like a wardrobe, in a Mancunian accent. pic.twitter.com/8WbozCOd0C
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) October 10, 2018
9.
Just went past your childhood home. pic.twitter.com/X6ZkqMhfi9
— Castaignede (@Castaignede) October 6, 2018
10.
someone’s earphones on the bus just connected to my phone via Bluetooth. They’re about to find out how great the Lion King soundtrack is
— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) October 8, 2018
11.
Son: How does this end?
Me: Well, some people go to heaven, but others go to hell where they are tortured forever in a horrifying apocalyptic wasteland
Son: No this movie
Me: Shrek marries Fiona
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 10, 2018
12.
Napkin Cole pic.twitter.com/ieUqYS5AER
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 11, 2018
13.
Meanwhile, in Iceland. pic.twitter.com/oiDpYUOGy7
— RustyBertrand (@RustyBertrand) October 7, 2018