Just 25 really funny jokes from the last week
If this week had been in a TV show, we’d say it was far fetched. The President of the European Commission, Jean-Claude Juncker, mocked Theresa May by dancing badly, Kanye West had lunch with Donald Trump – because that’s a thing now and Princess Eugenie’s sister read an excerpt from a book about deceit, infidelity and violent death, at the latest royal wedding. Meanwhile, these people on Twitter made us laugh and we think they’ll do the same for you.
Why's it called Jurassic World and not A Reptile Dysfunction
— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) October 6, 2018
ME: What if I have a robotic arm?
PRIEST: God will make you whole again in Heaven.
ME: But what if I really love my robotic arm?
PRIEST: God will grant you happiness.
ME: Can God give me two robotic arms?
PRIEST: Please, I beg you, others are waiting to use the confessional.
— …Let the Right Justin (@Staggfilms) October 9, 2018
St. Peter: So what did you do on earth?
Me: Well I was a cobbler. So I guess you could say I’ve done a lot of “sole” searching.
Me: I’m so tired please let me in.
— Jack The JoooOOooOOooo (@okimstillhungry) October 9, 2018
HIM: 🎶They did the monster mash🎶
ME: I don’t know what that is.
HIM: 🎶It was a graveyard smash🎶
ME: Yeah, that raises more questions than it answers.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) October 9, 2018
— WETHERSP00NS (@Wetherspoon__UK) October 7, 2018
I’m starting to lose faith in the traditional climate change mitigation plan of “only whatever is of exactly zero inconvenience to people with vast amounts of money”
— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) October 8, 2018
They missed a complete open goal. WHY NOT RAMBO NUMBER FIVE? https://t.co/RnOHuvphtQ
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) October 9, 2018
I’m in Ikea and I totally just read this as someone asking if anyone would like a wardrobe, in a Mancunian accent. pic.twitter.com/8WbozCOd0C
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) October 10, 2018
Just went past your childhood home. pic.twitter.com/X6ZkqMhfi9
— Castaignede (@Castaignede) October 6, 2018
someone’s earphones on the bus just connected to my phone via Bluetooth. They’re about to find out how great the Lion King soundtrack is
— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) October 8, 2018
Son: How does this end?
Me: Well, some people go to heaven, but others go to hell where they are tortured forever in a horrifying apocalyptic wasteland
Son: No this movie
Me: Shrek marries Fiona
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 10, 2018
Napkin Cole pic.twitter.com/ieUqYS5AER
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 11, 2018
Meanwhile, in Iceland. pic.twitter.com/oiDpYUOGy7
— RustyBertrand (@RustyBertrand) October 7, 2018