This woman’s story about ordinary situations becoming very, very scary went viral because it’s terrifying and a salutary lesson

Comedian Katherine Ryan was among the many, many people who shared this terrifying thread by a woman who used a horrific incident to remind men how ‘common events for you can turn into really scary situations for women in a snap’.

This is a great thread and an example of how we are constantly afraid of being murdered. https://t.co/JYsOCnFJjN

— Katherine Ryan (@Kathbum) October 8, 2018

So here’s the thread which is a salutary lesson for some and maybe a reminder for some others.

1.

A quick reminder for men: Common events for you can turn into really scary situations for women in a snap.

Case in point: This week I listed a clothes dryer on the Letgo app. Because it was a dryer, a neutral meeting location was impractical. I needed it taken out of my house.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

2.

To try to stay safe, I decided to only allow people to pick it up after 5 when my husband would be home. But a guy who works nights asked if he could come in the am instead; I said yes as long as you’re here before husband leaves for work.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

3.

The next morning, buyer isn’t here before husband leaves. I message and tell him not to come. He shows up 15 min later. In addition to being late, he has no dolly or help, despite the ad saying the dryer was in a basement & you’d have to remove yourself.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

4.

He says he will come back with help, I say after 5 would be great. He then asks if he could just see it real quick before coming back and bringing someone over, in case he doesn’t want it. So, now I have a decision to make.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

5.

I quickly try to assess my likelihood of danger, as every woman has done so, so many times. It’s instinct. First, what’s his age? Late 60s, early 70s. He’s tall but thin. Wearing a wedding ring. Hasn’t smiled at me strangely or looked at me for too long. I make a judgment call.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

6.

Feeling like he’s more likely to be safe than unsafe, and feeling badly about not letting him see the dryer, I invite him in. Once in the basement, he’s POSITIVE he can get it out with just a LITTLE help he says, looking at me.
Fuck it. I pick up a side.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

7.

Walk to the stairs is fine. We’re sharing the work. With each stair, I’m feeling more and more of the weight. I’m sweating. Heaving. Pissed. Halfway up the stairs and it feels like he’s doing NOTHING.
And then I see it. The look on his face.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

8.

He’s staring at me, hard. Right in the eyes, sly smile on his lips. My hair is matted to my forehead. I can’t get a comfortable grip. I’m just about to ask him what’s going on – is he even lifting? – when he starts to speak.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

9.

“Damn, girl. Look at you. Man, those thighs. Put em to work, huh? That sweat looks good on you. Workin thighs like that, I bet your husband is a happy man. C’mon, show me what you got.” I was mortified. And I’m realizing I can’t get out. He & a dryer I’m lifting are blocking me.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

10.

So I do what women do, lower my eyes, pretend to laugh a little, start lifting faster. The comments and staring hey worse but I try to block them out. As soon as I am free of the basement I walk straight past him to my phone, wait 5 seconds, and say, “honey, the buyer is here!”

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

11.

And wanna guess what happened? He left without buying it. Was this guy going murder me? Probably not. But I’m not sure. Am I pissed I had to worry about being murdered in my own home because grandpa creeper likes sweaty women? Yeah. Fucker.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

12.

The point – other than my being pissed and wanting to tell people – is that events like this, even when we come out ok, take an emotional toll. I was scared. He left more and more of the weight on me & watched me squirm. And now I have one more “thing” that I have to worry about.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

13.

So men, if you want to be allies, then recognizing that assault is bad is just the minimum. For every sexual assault, there are thousands of events that don’t lead to violence but which scare the shit out of us, especially after our “assessment” turns out to have been wrong.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

14.

And obviously, if you ever are in a woman’s home alone, whether during a service call or an online sale like this, accept if she’s home alone, she’s likely done the assessment. Respect her space, don’t do gross shit. The basics. Please.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 7, 2018

15.

UPDATE: This man just showed up at my house. It’s 10pm. Husband answered doorbell, drunk guy mumbles “wrong house” & goes back to his truck. I looked out the window and saw it was him. Tomorrow I’ll be here alone with my 4yo while my husband is at work. Terrified in my own house.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) October 8, 2018