Durham Police’s 14-point guide to spotting a hacker might feel disturbingly close to home
Here’s a handy guide from Durham police to help you spot a hacker and it turns out they are closer to home than you might think.
Yes, we’re talking to you.
I am finally able to spot hackers thanks to this guide from Durham Police pic.twitter.com/zgLq5X2icV
— James Cook (@JamesLiamCook) September 23, 2018
It’s the last one that gets us, when your internet slows down or goes off. Who knew?
I think I may be a hacker as I meet about 7 of these criteria
— James Cook (@JamesLiamCook) September 23, 2018
“multiple email addresses”
— Tom Harwood (@tomhfh) September 23, 2018
I particularly like “refer to themselves as hackers”
— James Cook (@JamesLiamCook) September 23, 2018
Show yourself for who you really are, CyberZeist
— Edoardo Maggio (@northead) September 23, 2018
https://twitter.com/jesslynnrose/status/1044146795092299778
Every @virginmedia customer is a suspect pic.twitter.com/uwOyeIfsZX
— Bertie (@Bertaroo) September 23, 2018
I honestly don't know whether to laugh or scream… https://t.co/INXAudQgxG
— martha lane fox (@Marthalanefox) September 24, 2018
Except Durham Police then got involved to say this.
Fortunately no, that’s not genuine guidance. It’s a satirical slide from an internal presentation that’s been taken out of context. Everyone knows the only real way to spot a hacker is to look for the guy with the hoodie and question mark face. pic.twitter.com/NEU4rmTP55
— Durham Constabulary (@DurhamPolice) September 24, 2018
We don’t know who to believe anymore. Apart from our neighbours who just asked if they could use our wifi, obviously.
Ha ha. Well played, Durham Constabulary social media team
— (((JS Rafaeli))) (@JSRafaelism) September 24, 2018
But still, you are missing:
-always uses drugs, such as cocaine, to be able to understand abstract problems
-will not speak to other people in public, because of paranoia and / or authism
-Spanks the monkey all night while setting up new VMs for hacking— Andreas Latte (@andilatte) September 24, 2018
That sounds like a routine Saturday night
— Doug gerred (@dougered) September 24, 2018
