21 tales of excruciating public embarrassment to make your toes curl

It began when the great @MooseAllain shared this memory from university which still has the capacity to make him wince.

When I left school I went to University to study Spanish. I didn't really enjoy it. There were a couple of real low points. I got in a lift with a fellow student and told him I was going to skip the next lecture. Silence as I looked round to see the lecturer staring at me.

— MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) September 12, 2018

And thank goodness he shared it because it prompted a whole bunch of other people to share their own moments of excruciating public embarrassment.

Well, excruciating for them, entertaining for us. Here are our favourites.

1.

Did brief stint as hairdresser’s receptionist when v young. Woman walks in with a phenomenal, giant poodle-like head of pale orange hair. I genuinely loved it. Went to ask her if she was naturally that colour.

What came out “are you naturally this hairy?”

— chiller ★ (@chiller) September 12, 2018

2.

My great uncle spoke 11 languages fluently. He was once on a bus (in London) when two women started gossiping behind him in Hungarian, making fun of his hairy ears, “like a bear”. When he got off the bus he raised his hat and said “Mr Bear salutes you” in his flawless Hungarian.

— Kate Carter (@katehelencarter) September 12, 2018

3.

In 1956 my dad hitched-hiked down to the westcountry to meet his girlfriend’s parents. On the last leg he was chatting to the driver about how he was nervous because ‘this girl was really special…”

Yeah, the driver was his future father-in-law, and my Grandpa.

— Haiku (@19syllables) September 12, 2018

4.

Age 11, a friend & I were with our Deaf parents at a signed concert for deaf people. We were making fun of the woman in front doing really excessive signed clapping (jazz hands). Took 30 mins of our mockery before she turned around and informed us that she was, in fact, hearing.

— Mrs Fran (@mrsfran) September 12, 2018

5.

Once at a mate’s wedding, a woman asked me, “You must be on the groom’s side?” When I explained how long I’d known him, she laughed & said, “Wow, you must know a few stories!” After sharing some of the worst, I asked her connection. She replied, “I’m the bride’s mother.”

— Rhydd Pugh (@Rhyddian) September 12, 2018

6.

My single parent father didn’t get home from work til 5, so I always went to a neighbour’s house after school. Once, I saw him walking up the hill to our house a whole hour early and was so excited I raced down the road shouting “Dad!” and threw my arms around him. Not Dad. 😳

— A sea lion in a hat (@Bright0nKath) September 12, 2018

7.

Had to give an assessed lecture in front my peers to finish my Archaeology degree. I spoke about the history of Christmas and decided to wing it without script. I spoke too quickly and finished too early, so started riffing – ended up joking Santa Claus was a magical paedophile😬

— Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) September 12, 2018

8.

<showing my age>
As a student in 1969, helping out on a traffic survey.
Me: where are you going?
Driver: Wimbledon
Me: Business or pleasure?
Driver: <pause> Business, I suppose

As she drove off, the penny dropped – future Wimbledon champion, Virginia Wade.

— RogerJarman (@pedanteric5) September 12, 2018

9.

Mum and Step Dad go into town, bump into a colleague of my Step Dad with a small child.
“Oh, is that your granddaughter?” asks my mum.
It was, of course, her daughter.

— Confidently Paranoid (@niblick_iii) September 12, 2018

10.

I did a gig once and a friend from school I hadn’t seen for maybe 20 years was there. The lights were a bit bad, but he approached with a frumpily dressed lady and I was about to say “Oh no! you brought your mum along!” He introduced her as his wife just in time.

— Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) September 12, 2018

11.

I nearly got chased out of a shop by a group of people because a mum with a persistent child said exhaustedly “What, Tyler? I laughed at her and said “He’s revolting”, as she got mad I continued, now bumbling, “um Peasant! er, He’s Revolting.”

— Monk D’Wally de Honk (@Monk_Wally_Honk) September 12, 2018