These 22 ‘not quite right’ jokes are even better than the correct versions
Artist, Moose Allain, has a well-developed sense of humour, as anyone who has seen his drawings or read his tweets will know, but he also appreciates a joke going wrong – in the right way.
My mum once told the joke about the man who goes to the doctor with a frog on his head (Doctor: tell me about it. Frog: it started as a boil on me bum) by saying ‘a thing on his head’ so finished the joke with "Oh – it was a frog!”. Much funnier than the original at the time.
— MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) September 14, 2018
When he shared this tale, he opened the floodgates for similar stories that had tickled other Twitter users. These 22 really hit the spot.
I told a lengthy shaggy dog story to an entire dinner party with the punchline “for my third wish I wished I had half an orange for a head”. I has inevitably omitted to mention the protagonist had half an orange for a head.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) September 14, 2018
I showed this to a friend of mine and said “What’s this?”. She said she didn’t know. I told her “Two men walking a breast”. She laughed then took it to her sister and delivered the punchline as: “Two men walking a boob!” pic.twitter.com/6Lm8UzmxzR
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) September 14, 2018
Ex boyfriend’s mum told the ‘how do you turn a duck into a soul singer’ joke, but instead of ‘put him in the oven ’til his Bill Withers’ said put him in the oven ’til his beak goes wobbly’. Rendered it meaningless but still very funny
— Mandy Carter (@mandy1977) September 14, 2018
A friend once retold an old joke: “Did you hear about the oyster who went to a disco and got off with a mussel?”. Thereby tendering it far funnier (and way more surreal) than the original (”pulled a mussel”). We now call these mis-tellings “mussel jokes”.
— Anthony Marks (@theboymarks) September 14, 2018
A friend once told the ‘I used to be a werewolf but I’m alright nooooow’ joke with the punchline ‘but now I’m alriiiiiiiiight’.
— Flic Everett (@fliceverett) September 14, 2018
My son flubbed the delivery of a joke to his grandad – he said: What cheese is made spelled backward. No! Wait! What cheese is made backwards?
Son: (didn’t miss a beat) …edammit.
— Crispian (@crispian) September 14, 2018
My partner loves the joke “why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? For drizzle”, but once told it as, “Why does Snoop Dogg like the rain? He gets to use his umbrella.”
— Relentlessly Mediocre Ed (@carlsheever) September 14, 2018
One of my university friends always muddled his words – I had to proof his dissertation on fluid mechanics about 5 times for him. Anyway, he told the “why was Popeye mad at Jesus? Cos he went to Mount Olive” joke using “tried” instead of “went”, turning it into a single entendre.
— Alistair King (@Alistair_King) September 14, 2018
A friend told me his uncle gave an intro speech which was meant to end with “Einstein was a great man but I present to you a greater…” [brings out a cheese grater]. He actually said”Einstein was a great man but this… is a cheese grater” [stunned silence].
— kittgs (@kittgs) September 14, 2018
Cousin’s partner on meeting new family at wedding tried Geordie doctor joke (“Doctor, me armpits smell of coconuts”, “aye well they’re ‘bounty'”) , instead proudly exclaimed “Doctor, me armpits smell of bounty.” “Yes they’re coconuts.”. Very Vic & Bob.
— Tim Cullen (@timrifts) September 14, 2018
My friend fluffed the ‘man walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm’ joke (“Do you serve lawyers?” “Yes” “A pint for me, and a lawyer for the alligator”) by beginning it with “do you sell lawyers?”
— Adam Terry (@adamrossterry) September 14, 2018