25 funny things we’ve seen to set the weekend up nicely
Shower gels aimed at men are always rank. Fuck my masculinity I wanna leave the shower smellin like vanilla and rhubarb not burnt wood and casual racism
— lou (@lou_tredaway) September 10, 2018
ME: I did it. I finally did it.
HER: OMG you found a job??
ME: What? No. I stopped searching twitter so I could take a nap.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) September 12, 2018
That's one shocker of a typo, Google Maps pic.twitter.com/pYRX0P7iKt
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) September 12, 2018
OK so the Crystal Maze is fun but have you ever heard your three-year-old shout “I need a poo!” from the top of a multi-storey soft play?
— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) September 13, 2018
OMG I opened the door to let the dog in and there was a slug on the door AND IT GOT ON MY HAND SO I SCREAMED LIKE A TODDLER AND THE DOG ATE IT TO PROTECT ME. And now we are both embarrassed.
— Cat Herder (@echo262) September 12, 2018
Colleague: You can't put ham with chicken
Me: What are you, the… pic.twitter.com/fZSvUuqD9g
— Ciara Knight (@Ciara_Knight) September 13, 2018
Pretty dark sequel to Ratatouille https://t.co/nMqsCDYv4N
— Sara Gibbs (@Sara_Rose_G) September 13, 2018
I like apples.
I like pears.
I like apples.
So you’re anti pears then.
No, I just prefer apples.
So you hate pears.
I never said that.
Fucking pear hater.
I don’t hate pears!
Yes you do. You make me sick. Scum.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 13, 2018
This is the worst party I’ve ever been to pic.twitter.com/opjbBgnlcC
— Space Cat (@catstronomical) September 11, 2018
Irving Berlin’s reputation in tatters as researchers discover 4 businesses like showbusiness.
— John-Luke Roberts (@jlukeroberts) September 12, 2018
“Don’t worry, Dave, the ambulance will be here soon.” pic.twitter.com/m5xY7D9SM1
— Ian Power (@IHPower) September 13, 2018
Whenever I worry I’m becoming too pretentious, I send my au pair into the smaller of my two gift wrapping rooms to cheer me up with a little something.
— CJ de Mooi (@cjdemooi) September 12, 2018
Iron Man 4 is gonna suck pic.twitter.com/sKAV6Y1i53
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) September 14, 2018
If that doesn’t brighten your day, nothing will. Feel free to tell us the ones we missed.