People are sharing their funny little habits and it’s the best thread you’ll read this week
It started – at least, we think it started – when the great Moose Allain tweeted about the funny little thing he does whenever he buys a pineapple.
Whenever I buy a pineapple I carry it into my house like the head of my defeated foe.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) August 23, 2018
And just in case, like us, you wondered what that looks like.
— MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) August 23, 2018
Anyway, Moose’s revelation prompted other people to share the funny little habitual things that they can’t stop doing and – frankly – we can’t get enough of them.
Here are our 37 favourites (yes, it really is that good).
Whenever we pass Dublin airport I always say: “Look at the size of that hangar!” To which the correct (and only) response is: “I wouldn’t like to see the size of the suit that goes on that.” Oh how we laugh.
— Aoife (@aoifemrtn) August 24, 2018
I always, without fail, greet the ‘Polish war memorial’ sign on the A40 out of London with ‘damn! Forgot to polish the war memorial’. This Uber-dad joke is always met with Great and Sincere Hilarity by my family.
— Lev Parikian (@LevParikian) August 24, 2018
Before the ferry check-in at Dover docks there’s a big sign ‘WITH RESERVATIONS’. My comment, ‘um, I’m not sure about this’ is always met with stony silence from my wife.
— Mark Hawes (@markrhawes) August 24, 2018
Every time I feed my cats, I tell them “get it down you, lad, that’ll put hair on your chest,” in an East End gangster voice.
I have tried to stop. I can’t.
— chiller ★ (@chiller) August 24, 2018
Whenever one of us announces they are popping out of the house on an errand – “just nipping to the shop”, for example, the other will always reply cheerily “Okay! If you don’t come back I’ll avenge your death!”
— Kaz Jones (@KazJJones) August 24, 2018
This is Maria. In our house she emerges from the drawer singing The hills are alive… pic.twitter.com/8ZuamnMCT9
— Dr. Linds. (@camposdezafiro) August 24, 2018
Whenever I join the motorway, as I go down the slip road, I say ” cabin crew, seats for take off” never fails to annoy my family……..(not a pilot either)
— Julian Mahony (@mrmblue) August 24, 2018
Whenever I twist the dial on the microwave I’m do so very gently with my head cocked on one side like I’m cracking a safe open.
— Michele 1965 (@LaFranglaise66) August 23, 2018
I like to watch the final countdown on the timer very carefully so I can stop the clock at 1 second so as to avoid an explosion.
— Alex Sandbrook (@Stuttercut) August 23, 2018
After any good meal performance (clearing a full plate, eating all the veggies, etc), a dismount is performed. Arms up, like at the gymnastics.
— Liz Babb (@classytart) August 23, 2018
We do this for getting out of bed or off the sofa. The only acceptable response to this is “Perfect dismount”
— Stef Sturman (@StefSturman) August 24, 2018
(Ridiculously specific) daily ritual:
Opening the curtains reminds me of the housemaid doing same in the opening scene of the 1984 Joan Hickson Miss Marple & in my best dramatic RP I gasp Dolly Bantry’s, “Arthur! Wake up, Arthur! Mary just said there’s a body in the library!”
— Cary on Resisting (@this1littlebird) August 23, 2018
My ‘kids’ are now in their late teens but still ask if they can have a Leonardo Di CapriSun.
— IntricateFi (@IntricateFi) August 24, 2018
When I plunge a cafetière I imagine I’m blowing the bloody doors off.
— Steve Tilley (@s1eve) August 23, 2018
When I lock the car as I walk away, I hold the key up and don’t look back like I’m the Joker blowing up a hospital.
— Don’t bring Harry (@riffraffhands) August 23, 2018
Long standing (embarrassing but maintained) family tradition- if you peel a mandarin or other fruit in one complete piece all individuals present must hop around the room on one foot shouting ‘hooray hooray hooray…’ in celebration
— Meredith van B (@merevb) August 24, 2018
Fitting a new battery into the cordless drill must be done as if you’re James Bond reloading a pistol. It’s the law.
— Ben Cooper (@bencooper) August 23, 2018
Each & every morning, my dad, my big brother & me would put that day’s clean pair of pants on our head as we walked through the house to jump in the shower. As we walked, we click our fingers from side-to-side like we are in West Side Story.
We all still do it now.
— Phigg Roll (@phykuss) August 23, 2018
More from the Poke
This person’s ‘Little Mermaid’ objection doesn’t hold water – our favourite 9 takedowns
A Tory MP said this about Jacob Rees-Mogg and people think it’s the most savage burn ever