These 19 fake perfume ads are every bit as beautifully pretentious as real ones
10.
Inside the mind of a wolf, a dream is happening.
It’s the dream of Leonardo DiCaprio playing bag pipes in the fog.
Spirit winds whistle through the trees.
The camera rushes to Leo. He ceases piping & faces us:
‘Cold wisdom’
He melts.
Cut to sleeping wolf.
Fade to mauve.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) February 1, 2018
11.
Guerrilla fighters march onto a new land, ready to wage war.
Only one brave soul dare stand in their way…
Ariana Grande.
“I march to the beat of my own drum.”
She produces a badminton racket and furiously beats a bin bag full of yoghurt for 6 minutes.
The war is over.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) January 31, 2018
12.
Midnight. Kiera Knightley and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, on the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Kiera – “Did you ever have a dream that just felt so real you…”
The Rock interrupts – “…didn’t want to wake up?”
They laugh.
Her hands are serpents and her knees are on backwards.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) January 21, 2018
13.
Mojave Desert. A horse rider is atop a cliff.
We cut in close. It’s Zayn Malik, chewing a toothpick.
He is shirtless (the horse). His nostrils flare (Zayn’s).
The wind whispers: "Claim your destiny…"
Cut wider. It is the horse that is riding Zayn.
Neither has noticed.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) April 20, 2018
14.
Tokyo. 2040.
Sting is playing a laser harp to room full of bacteria.
Close up of a greyhound closing in on a hare.
Back to Sting in a police ID parade, he’s a foot taller than 6 young Japanese boys. He’s also the only one dancing.
Sting: “Guilty until proven innocent”
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) January 24, 2018
15.
Eddie Redmayne strolls through a restaurant.
He waves to a woman.
He waves to a man.
He scatters some dice across someone’s table.
Two threes. Of course.
He reaches the exit and looks back.
He is white but his neck is Chinese.
He leaves.
‘Tomorrow Is Today’.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) January 25, 2018
16.
A New York subway.
Christian Bale is stood on the platform with his hand on the forehead of a horse.
They breathe in unison.
Bale: Easy girl. Easy.
The horse closes its eyes.
Bale: Shhh
The horse sadly passes away.
Bale pulls out a harmonica and plays ‘Rappers Delight’
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) January 25, 2018
17.
Nicole Scherzinger stands on the beach carrying a leather hammer.
She closes her eyes & breathes deeply.
‘And so the world turns’
She opens her eyes & nods admiringly at the setting sun.
She ties on a blindfold & turns to camera.
‘My ears can see’
She walks into the ocean.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) January 27, 2018
18.
Russell Crowe sniffs the wing mirror of a Porsche. He turns to camera:
‘Smells like yesterday’
Cut to Crowe tearing across Alaska in the Porsche.
‘Fear talks to us in the night time’
At the wheel, he ties on a blindfold & turns to us.
‘I’m pregnant’
He hits the gas.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) February 2, 2018
19.
Open on Kate Moss ignoring the paparazzi.
She strides confidently past them into a dark cave.
There: a fearsome dragon.
But Kate Moss is not scared of dragons.
She unsheathes a single red rose.
“Love burns hotter”
Victory.
Now she’s on a vintage scooter.
— PerfumeAdsForSale (@PerfumeAds) April 23, 2018
You can almost smell the success.
