This conversation overheard on the Newport to London Megabus is hilariously surreal
Man 1: “Before I said the air-con was on and he thought I said Akon!”
Man 2: “No I never!”
Man 1: “I said air-con, like! He thought I said Akon was on!”
Woman 2: “Are you that gullible”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 1: “(name removed) is the most stinking-est slag ever.”
Man 1: “yeah, I shagged her, too”
Woman 1: “Oh my days!”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Thankfully, this vein of thought was interrupted.
Genuinely somebody just set the fire alarm off! Bus is pulling over! FFS!
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2: “Someone must of set it off by accident, when I was in there I didn’t know what what was what! I even pressed the hairdryer on.”
Man 1: “Hair dryer? They don’t have a hair dryer in there”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
We’re underway again. Driver just announced: “just a reminder, if you’re going to smoke or vape in the toilet, it will set the alarm off”
Man 1: “well, when I was in there I couldn’t even see.”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 1: “Where’s the Audi garage, is that it?”
(Pointing at a massive glass building with ‘Audi’ written on it, filled with Audis)— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 2: “I like Audi. We’d be there by now if this bus was an Audi”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
I should add, Man 2 has been asking “How long left?” Every 5 minutes since he got on. 10 minutes after we pulled out of Newport he said “We haven’t even passed Swindon yet?!”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Inevitably, there were more random comments.
Woman 2: “Feet are weird, aren’t they? I’d rather my arms or anything than feet”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2 just told everyone a story of how she got herpes from sharing her drink with everyone before and “Honest to God, I’m soooo glad I got a couple of days off work”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
And back to the cultural discourse.
Man 1: “New episode of Dragonball Z tomorrow morning”
Man 2: “How?”
Man 1: “Firestick”
Man 2: “In English”
Man 1: “Japanese with subtitles”
Man 2: “subtitles?! All that reading?”
Man 1: “Yeah, it’s class!”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Now Man 1 is showing them all Dragonball Z on his phone.
Woman 1: “You don’t watch that, your having me on”
Man 1: “It’s class!”
She’s looking at him like he just put his vape pen up his ass and asked her to have a puff.— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 1: “Dragonball Z is life”.
I don’t know what to believe anymore.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 1: “The worst thing is when you wake up and look at your phone and there’s still 4 hours to go”
Man 2: “Sometimes I squint until there’s no more light coming through”
Pretty sure nobody has ever explained closing your eyes to Man 2.— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2 is still going on about the @megabusuk toilet.
Woman 2: “there were so many buttons I didn’t know what was what”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 1: “I’ve sobered up now”
Woman 1: “It didn’t touch me”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2: “I need a smoke and a drink”
Man 2: “Header”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 1: “Oh, Oh, Oh, Ibiza next year. All the boys are going. You coming?”
Man 2: “Who’s going?”
Man 1: “All the boys”
Man 2: “Yeah, alright.”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Finally, and probably much to Ignacio’s relief, they made it to London.
I made it to my gig in @Backyard_Comedy for @UltraComedyUK raising money for @CR_UK . Thanks for everyone that tuned into my megabus adventure. pic.twitter.com/T4Ddf7H7Xw
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
But people still had unfinished business.
Can you follow them? I need to know how this ends…
— Vicky Lee (@mrsleewillsee) July 15, 2018
Will probably be in the news depending what happens at the Eminem show.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
wait! no! this needs to be recorded as an Alan Bennett monologue! PLEASE
— Ali Hancock (@crochetninja) July 15, 2018
And @stuatmoes made a very sobering point.
“This is why they insist all baseball bats are stored with the suitcases.”
