This conversation overheard on the Newport to London Megabus is hilariously surreal
When stand-up comedian Ignacio Lopez boarded the Megabus at Newport to head to London, he probably expected a straightforward journey, listening to a bit of music, tweaking his act, eating his sandwiches too early – the usual stuff. What he got was a sideshow, provided by one group of passengers.
Luckily for us, he shared the whole thing.
Group of 4 got on Megabus in #Newport for London. 2 Women, 2 Men. All sat around me. So far I’ve heard the following statements as they exchange booze…
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
They started with some pretty random statements.
Man 1: “If a girl looks dodgy I wont even shag her.”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 1: “There was this cab driver, his nickname was ‘Sketchy’. I didn’t trust him”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2: “I like being punched in the face”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
They then turned their attention to the journey.
Man 1: “The driver said no drinking or smoking, but he didn’t say anything about vaping!” *Inhales and exhales all the vapes*
(The driver did say no vaping)— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 2: “Where’s the driver then?”
Woman 1: “Downstairs”
Man 2: “What’s he doing down there?”
Woman 1: “Watching us on camera”
(The driver is driving)— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
They had something to say about the mysteries of the wider world.
Man 1: “How come so many people go to Magaluf and fall off balconies”
Woman 1: “They’re smaller over there, the balconies. It’s not like Britain.”
Man 1: “but how come, though? No matter how blotto I am I know there’s a balcony there”
Woman 1: “you header”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2: “I work with this doctor. He doesn’t even have a tv at home. He just goes home and plays violin. I asked him how does he watch Love Island?”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
And back to the random.
Man 2: “I haven’t got worms. I’ve tested my shit, like.”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
They recognised a kindred spirit.
New cast member joins the party. Woman 3 was passing on her way to the toilet.
Man 1: “Watch out, I’ve vaped loads in there”
Woman 3: “What flavour?”
Man 1: “Mango”
Woman 3: “Oh, mint!”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
When she came back –
Man 1: “How was it?”
Woman 3: “Lush. What was it, Mango?”
Man 1: “Yeah”
Woman 3: “like being in another country.”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
A philosophical discussion on culture and refreshments broke out.
Man 2: (talking about Creamfields) “It’s scabby, butt. Scabby. You go to other places and they’ve got litter pickers and stuff. In creamfields everyone just wants to murder you.”
Woman 1: “How much are tickets for 2 days?”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 2: “My dad got me into the rave scene. Trance and that.”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 1: “This watch is killing me, butt. I can feel it.”
Woman 2: “Imagine having your neck pierced.”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 1: “Oh, we’ve run out. I knew we should have bought that bottle of Disaronno”
Woman 1: “Oh! No way. Why didn’t we bring those cans of Stella?”
Woman 2: “Do you remember that can of Grolsch I had last week”
(They’re now just reminiscing about cans of booze they’ve drunk).— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 1: “My mother just text and said look after the girl”
Woman 2: “We’ll have to call round and have a drink with her again”
Man 2: “Boys night then!”
Man 1: “Sesh!”
Woman 1: “See, that’s why I can’t trust you”
Man 1: “Why?”
Woman 1: “You’re not having a sesh without me”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Man 2: “aaah. I need a line”
Man 1: “Me too.”
Man 2: “Shall I ask the driver to stop”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
Woman 3: (popping her head up) “Where you off?
Woman 1: “Eminem”
Woman 3: “Oh, nice. Who’s supporting him?”
Man 1: “Madonna”
Man 2: “Madonna?! Really?”
Woman 2: “She’s from Wales isn’t she?”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 15, 2018
