Women are “describing themselves like a male author would” and it’s both funny and revealing
We’ve all heard about the ‘male gaze’ and how it can infest male-written fiction with “heavy bosoms” and “slipping herself into tight clothes”, which is you know, a bit off putting if you’re a woman reading this and going “well, that’s just not how I think”.
And so Jonathan Franzia has thought up a game: “twitter challenge: describe yourself like a male author would”
new twitter challenge: describe yourself like a male author would
— Jonathan Franzia (@whitneyarner) April 1, 2018
Here’s 13 of the best entries.
She was forty but could have passed for a year younger with soft lipstick and some gentle mascara. Her dress clung to the curves of her bosom which was cupped by her bra that was under it, but over the breasts that were naked inside her clothes. She had a personality and eyes. https://t.co/o9UJ5QcrQM
— Jane Casey (@JaneCaseyAuthor) April 1, 2018
I had big honking teeters, just enormous bosoms, and I thought about them constantly as I walked down the street, using my legs (thick, with big shapely calves), but never not thinking about my enormo honkers, https://t.co/UaCQBchchL
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) April 1, 2018
She smiled, but I could see the sadness in her exotic almond-shaped eyes. Her scarf was made of light cotton, but the weight of oppression that came with it kept her head bowed in submission. I dreamed about ripping it off, letting her dark hair tumble free over her booby breasts https://t.co/gV4J3rfwXy
— Hanna Alkaf (@yesitshanna) April 1, 2018
As round as she was loud, she immediately filled the room. My first thought was that I didnt want to fuck her. My second thought was even more disturbing, she didnt seem to care. She contemplated the roundness of her own boobs and contributed something to the meeting. I missed it https://t.co/1uTe0cKCaE
— Ashley Nicole Black Panther (@ashleyn1cole) April 2, 2018
As she moved her strong cocoa body gleamed as if calling to the country of Africa. Her chocolate waist moved like an alluring siren calling me to crash on the rocks of her brown buttocks. https://t.co/eY08cAprM1
— Kelechi Okafor (@kelechnekoff) April 2, 2018
“Her large breasts strained against the thin fabric of her t-shirt. The t-shirt had an obscure Star Wars reference on it, which I carefully explained to her, since she had presumably bought it because she liked the colors.” https://t.co/FeSk9J7R8E
— The Wombat Resists (@UrsulaV) April 2, 2018
She was petite. Exotic. Some kind of Asian. "Konichiwa?" I say, bestowing my most charming smile.
She rolls her eyes.
I try again. "Ni hao?"
She sticks her middle finger up at me. I laugh, thinking to myself: what a bitch. https://t.co/nnqg324bBP
— June CL Tan | 秋琳 (@junescribbles) April 1, 2018
Her body was an hourglass meant for taking his time, but her mohawk concerned him. She had a lesbian look, & too many tattoos, in languages he couldn't pronounce. Still, she'd written a stack of books. It was time for him to weigh in with his high school knowledge of Beowulf. https://t.co/26HNfX7n6Q
— Maria DahvanaHeadley (@MARIADAHVANA) April 2, 2018
"Men look past me because I'm not 'conventionally pretty'. I'm cute, but not hot. Sure a little foundation and cherry red lip gloss could take me from a 5 to a fuckable 8. But between pwning noobs and watching Naruto, I don't have time. Or care. I'm not like other girls." https://t.co/zQi8PmfU71
— Tali in Cali~ (@TaliaMirai) April 1, 2018
She had boobs. They were nice boobs, very boob-shaped, the way boobs are. When she shrugged, the boobs moved, as boobs tend to do. Nice hair, nice eyes.
But back to the boobs.
They bounced slightly as I sat down next to her. "Another drink?"
"No," boob girl said.
What a bitch https://t.co/QlN8rc1AtD
— Elizabeth M. (@_ElizabethMay) April 2, 2018
Her breasts entered the room before her far less interesting face, decidedly maternal hips and rounded thighs. He found her voice unpleasantly audible. As his gaze dropped from her mouth (still talking!) to her cleavage, he wondered why feminists were so angry all the time. https://t.co/YtsZENYsgS
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) April 2, 2018
She had a nice face, I guess, but she was fatter than I usually like in a woman. It didn’t stop me from staring at her ass, though. Not much in the cleavage department either. When I asked her to come back to my place, she said no. Must be a lesbian. https://t.co/TBNkWV5CbL
— Shannon Purser (@shannonpurser) April 3, 2018
She had an ass that just wouldn’t quit. Instead it would make increasingly poorly thought out excuses until you got the message and fired it. https://t.co/4N8zYtxT2W
— Lucy Prebble (@lucyprebblish) April 3, 2018