People are sharing preposterous “British Values” to take the piss out of this Young Conservative group
Activate Britain is the Tories answer to Momentum and describes itself as “a united platform for young conservatives and returning power to the grassroots.”
The return of that much loved comedy staple – the Young Conservatives – hooray!
They’re asking people to list “British Values” and rather predictable it’s going very badly indeed, but their failure is our comedy win.
British Values: Reply with what you feel are important British Values! pic.twitter.com/FV91TRoA2D
— Activate UK (@ActivateBritain) February 11, 2018
Here’s 17 of the best British Values.
Exploring the world, discovering new cultures, meeting fascinating new people and then killing them & nicking all their best stuff.
— Ally Fogg (@AllyFogg) February 12, 2018
2. Vacuum cleaners
Selling my kids futures down the drain, selling off the state assets in a big fire sale, ensuring my generation can’t buy a house, ensuring the baby boomers protect their wealth, killing the NHS. Dyson Vacuum cleaners are cool and British though I guess.
— Worst Mate (@WorstMate) February 11, 2018
3. Talking about the weather
Chipping the ice off the inside of the windows in the morning and saying, "Turned out nice again".
— Sandeha Lynch #FBPE #WATON (@sandehalynch) February 13, 2018
4. Laughing at ourselves
Laughing at ourselves, which is fortunate as so is everyone else.
— Batley (@BatleyBKK) February 11, 2018
5. Avoiding embarrassment
1. Pressing on with something we'd rather we hadn't started because of the sheer embarrassment of having to admit we've made a mistake.
— Matthew Hardy (@drmatthewhardy) February 12, 2018
Giving a polite round of applause when someone drops the crockery.
— Russ 🇪🇺 (@Russell_CNX) February 13, 2018
7. Scraping and bowing
Toadying to the upper class.
— Howard. Hutch. (@nolittleman) February 11, 2018
8. Read what it spells out…
— Space Bee (@SpaceBeeInSpace) February 11, 2018
9. The delicious cuisine
Oh, and Greggs sausage rolls.
— Posthuman (@posthuman) February 11, 2018
10. The fine cars
I’ve thought a lot about “British values” since they were firsted mooted, and I can only identify three. 1. Forming an orderly queue. 2. Buying drinks in rounds. 3. Getting out of the bath to have a pee.
— Will (@Will81894756) February 13, 2018
12. The gammony colour some of us go on holidays
— Mardy #FBPE (@MardyBloke) February 13, 2018
13. Our national obsession with World War 2
Harping on about WW2 – because it takes National Socialism to make Brits look like history's good guys.
— Lili Lapins (@LapinsLili) February 12, 2018
14. Snot games
Flicking bogeys when no one’s looking.
— Ian Young (@youngian67) February 12, 2018
15. More colonialism
Pulling up in a tall ship, raping, murdering and pillaging for a couple of centuries, then getting pissy when the locals move to Britain to see what all the fuss is about. https://t.co/iPgoX8tqV9
— Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 (@MikeStuchbery_) February 12, 2018
16. Good old Limmy joining in…
I'm British and I have no values. https://t.co/ECXHsH57c8
— Limmy's Vines TOUR (@DaftLimmy) February 11, 2018
17. And our ability to bounce back
Noel Edmonds' career surviving the death of a game show contestant in a bungee accident. https://t.co/Qjh1YUFLGz
— Joe Kennedy (@joekennedy81) February 11, 2018
Well done everyone! We enjoyed that.