This Donald Trump story is reminding people of a Victoria Wood song
So here’s our favourite Donald Trump story of the day so far.
According to a new report by the Mother Jones website, Donald Trump asked former porn star Stormy Daniels to spank him with a copy of Forbes magazine that had him and his family on the cover.
The report also claims that Trump made Daniels watch “hours” of Shark Week.
1.
Donald Trump had an affair with Stormy Daniels in 2006.
Daniels said Trump asked her to spank him with a copy of Forbes magazine which had him on the cover.
Trump was indeed on a copy of Forbes in 2006…along with his children.https://t.co/mnv7iFwOin pic.twitter.com/Burnc43WId— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) January 18, 2018
2.
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5.
I only read Forbes Magazine for the articles
— Ben Jacobs (@Bencjacobs) January 18, 2018
And it reminded people of a certain Victoria Wood sketch from a while ago. You remember? This one.
If only she was around to appreciate it.
“Beat me on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly” 😳#barryandfredahttps://t.co/8TWTI5r1iO
— helen ayres (@Raphaelite_Girl) January 19, 2018
All it needs now is someone to Trump up the lyrics. RIP Victoria Wood.
Freda and Barry sat one night
The sky was clear. The stars were bright
The wind was soft. The moon was up
Freda drained her cocoa cupShe licked her lips. She felt sublime
She switched off Gardeners’ Question Time
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said:Let’s do it
Let’s do it
Do it while the mood is right
I’m feeling
Appealing
I’ve really got an appetiteI’m on fire
With desire
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightBut he said:
I can’t do it
I can’t do it
I don’t believe in too much sex
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecksNo derision
My decision
I’d rather watch The Spinners on the television
I can’t do it
I can’t do it tonightSo she said:
Let’s do it
Let’s do it
Do it till our hearts go boom
Go native
Creative
Living in the living roomThis folly
Is jolly
Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightBut he said:
I can’t do it
I can’t do it
Me ‘eavy breathing days have gone
I’m older
Feel colder
It’s other things that turn me onI’m imploring:
I’m boring
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring
I can’t do it
I can’t do it tonightSo she said:
Let’s do it
Let’s do it
Have a crazy night of love
I’ll strip bare
I’ll just wear
Stilettos and an oven gloveDon’t starve a
Girl of a palaver
Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightBut he said:
I can’t do it
I can’t do it
I know I’d only get it wrong
Don’t angle
For me to dangle
Me arms ‘ave never been that strongStop pouting
Stop shouting
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
I can’t do it
I can’t do it tonightLet’s do it
Let’s do it
Share a night of wild romance
Frenetic
Poetic
This could be your last big chanceTo quote Milton
To eat Stilton
To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightI can’t do it
I can’t do it
I’ve got other little jobs on hand
Don’t grouse
Around the house
I’ve got a busy evening plannedStop nagging
I’m flagging
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging
I can’t do it
I can’t do it tonightLet’s do it
Let’s do it
While I’m really in the mood
Three cheers
It’s years
Since I caught you even semi-nudeBe drastic
Gymnastic
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightI can’t do it
I can’t do it
I must refuse to get undressed
I feel silly
It’s too chilly
To go without me thermal vestDon’t choose me
Don’t use me
Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me
I can’t do it
I can’t do it tonightLet’s do it
Let’s do it
I feel I absolutely must
I won’t exempt you
Want to tempt you
Want to drive you mad with lustNo cautions
Just contortions
Smear an avocado on me lower portions
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightI can’t do it
I can’t do it
It’s really not my cup of tea
I’m harassed
Embarrassed
I wish you hadn’t picked on meNo dramas
Give me me pyjamas
The only girl I’m mad about is Judith Chalmers
I can’t do it
I can’t do it tonightLet’s do it
Let’s do it
I really want to run amok
Let’s wiggle
Let’s jiggle
Let’s really make the rafters rockBe mighty
Be flighty
Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonightLet’s do it
Let’s do it
I really want to rant and rave
Let’s go
‘Cause I know
Just how I want you to behave:Not bleakly
Not meekly
Beat me on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly
Let’s do it
Let’s do it tonight
READ MORE
59 Victoria Wood quotes to help you beat the back to work blues