50 ‘short, clean jokes that get a laugh every time’

Sometimes the simplest jokes are the best. So that’s why we found this thread on Reddit where Scarlett_j asked “what’s a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?” to be the perfect way to spend a bit of time.

And here’s 50 of the very best answers:

1

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
–Dave-Stark

2

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”
–3shirts

3

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
–Rndomguytf

4

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
–WikiWantsYourPics

5

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said “40”
–3shirts

6

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
–Melchiah_III

7

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
–megan_james

8

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.

–kailey_sara

9

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

–kate_winslat

10

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
–ImHully

11

Two clowns are eating a cannibal.
One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong”
–Moltenfirez

12

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
–Spysquirrel

13

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
–alosercalledsusie

14

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.
–PM_ME_TINY_DINOSAURS

15

My friend says to me: “what rhymes with orange”
I said: “no it doesn’t”
–DinosRoar1

16

And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.
–PM-SOME-TITS

17

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is it one or two? One… or two?
–Undescended_testicle

18

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW
–Tetragon213

19

Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well.
–rangers_fan2

20

Whatdya call a frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.
–Sooowhatisthis

21

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.
–BiffWhistler

22

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.
–leahcure

23

So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world
–Jefferncfc

24

I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs
–breadman666

25

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
–ImHully