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Guardian columnist who ditched ‘trappings of modernity’ may be most irritating man alive

John Plunkett. Updated September 21st, 2017

The search for peak Guardian is over now we’ve found Mark Boyle’s comment piece headlined “I live a healthier life now I’m free of the trappings of modernity”.

If you didn’t think he was serious about his pursuit, then check out the footnote at the bottom.

Anyway, back to the piece itself.

Yes, yes it is.

So what’s everyone got the grump about? Maybe it’s passages like this.

“The more concerned and curious inquirers often ask me what I would do if I got seriously ill. While the long answer is complicated and nuanced, honestly, I don’t know … The ambulance itself undoubtedly saves lives (including my dad’s). Yet deconstruct a single ambulance – with its plastics, oils, fluids, copper, acids, glass, rubber, PVC, minerals and steel – and I’ll show you how to lay waste to the very thing all our lives depend upon: the planet.”

“I’m very aware that I’ve been blessed to be born without any serious long-term health issues, and that at 38 I’m relatively young. That said, I’m not convinced that it’s necessary to fall into such poor physical shape, as civilised peoples tend to do. My dad is almost 73 and he can still cycle 150km before dinner, simply because he has never stopped looking after his health.”

“I pick my own fruit and vegetables from the garden and hedgerows, and eat them as fresh, raw and unwashed as is optimal. I cycle 120km each week to lakes and rivers, where I then spend three evenings of that week relaxing and catching the following day’s dinner. I work outdoors, getting sweaty and dirty doing things I enjoy. I made the tough decision to live in the natural world so that I could breathe clean air, drink pure water and create life that allows others the same. I wash with water, and water only. I use no chemicals inside or outside the house. I wear as few clothes as I need, I use nothing electrical – no fridge, no screens, no phone. I avoid sugar, caffeine and stress like the plague.”

“Sleep comes and goes with the light – I find six hours of peaceful rest sufficient. If and when I do feel ill or out of balance, my girlfriend Kirsty (who illustrates these articles and is teaching herself herbalism) recommends a plant from our herb patch and I slowly feel vital again. She’s currently drying yarrow, horsetail, silverweed, self-heal, calendula and chamomile for the winter months.”

Anyway, you can read the whole thing here (assuming you have electricity and something to read it on, which presumably you do because you are here).

If you think these people are angry, take a look at the comments below the line.

Here are 3 of our favourites.

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Maybe they’re just jealous. Who wouldn’t want to cycle 150km a day and catch your own dinner? Anyone?

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